Going to have to wait it out longer

I may not accurately see the world around me right now.
The digital world is pulling me into more hunches and I will be responsive this time. My heart is sincerely breaking. I know I can come off as hateful and harsh but my heart is sincerely breaking. I've never had a strong sense of competition in the dating world esp as a basketball analogy where a person's worth is summed up by being a player and how good of a player you are. I feel like there is a rebound that is falling in my lap this time and as much as I feel I should catch on to how life goes and that I should learn to be a better liar and bullshitter, I just can't lie right now. I am not emotionally feeling the rebound. Once again, IT IS A FUCKING BURMUDA REBOUND WHERE I STILL DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO SPECIFICALLY MY REBOUND IS. I am so fed up with some of the games people play and how some games aren't fair in anyway whatsoever.
To the hot rebound: I really don't know your name. You may eventually grow on me. I'm just not feeling it right now. I don't know how to tell you to sweep me off my feet. I don't know how to tell you how you should deal with me.

Other thoughts are brief. I want to remind people that the media is only one perspective and I still have a mind of my own. I really don't want to provoke anything with my dad, but I feel as if I am being pushed to feel like my biological father's loser and feel inferior to him. I hate the pressure of feeling his time may literally end soon, but I see him as the same man as I did growing up even if we don't have any conversation in present day at all: a chauvenistic control freak. I think my mom is a control freak as well. I'm anorexic to both of their pretentiousness, arrogance, and belittlement. Their hatefulness does bring limits to my life, just because I am forced to have limits with the way my parents choose to be does not mean that I feel inferior or enslaved to them. If people would have more experience with homicidal people, some just may understand why I act the way I act around my family.

As for random people outside of my family, I'm sick of the arrogance and pretentiousness as well. Who do some people think they really are to be the judge or have any sort of god complex? WHO DO SOME PEOPLE FUCKING THINK THEY ARE? I'm sick of the violence. I'm sick of the abuse in so many different varieties.

I know for myself that I can only do so much in my limits. My future seems to hold so much anxiety in knowing what I want and how limited I am. I brush off the kill of saying I should commit suicide. On the other hand I think it is cheesy and too optimistic to say the sky is the limit. I just have to wait.