Today was ok. I finally was able to rent a movie because I had finally made a couple of bucks this past weekend. Still, the woes of being poor.
I don't know how long it will take for me to get a job, but there is some anxiousness in this entire season of the adventures of the flea market. Ok, it isn't an amazon jungle, but thinking of new ideas to help myself out will have some kind of additional brainstorm of more ideas. So much free time. I still wouldn't mind having a part time job. I wish I knew more of more specific things to enable my time spending. Will the notes I ever take on anything ever have something to come about?
As the Sarah Turns............
I am picking up on some more hints but today is a day where I just want my space and don't want to be attentive to anyone. I care but I'm giving myself a little breather. Personally, I don't mind having my own pace. I don't think thoughts or words said should always be instant, impulsive, recklace, or careless. I do have some understandings of do or die situations, being pigeon-holed or forced into saying or deciding something.
Suprise suprise, I'm mad at Dane. More drama. Its better to keep my distance today and come back to take a glance in another day or 2.
I think I may see a couple of other guys who may have interest but I've always been uneasy in taking jumps. I just don't have the want for that either.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Sometimes, Self Management can be a bitch
But I know myself better than anyone, so I have no choice but to describe myself sometimes.
Right now, the theme seems to be competition and modesty with what would ring in my head the most. I feel a mixture of both approval and unapproval. Only one person's approval matters in this instance.
I have never expected everyone in life to be the same, have the same values, have the same ways of being. In so many double standards, when being pushed to compete, I can get quite livid that not everyone holds their end of the bargain.
I care.
Because I care, I would put up some kind of fight, even when I feel it shouldn't even have to be necessary in the first place. It leads me to one of my values that I've already had to let go of on an occassion or few:
dictionary.com
mod·es·ty /ˈmɒdəsti/ Show Spelled
[mod-uh-stee] Show IPA
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
2. regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
3. simplicity; moderation.
Last time I checked, big boobs weren't out of fashion. While I am still against the ultimatum of being loved based on the size of my breasts, it is some women who would have no regard in thoughts of my own personal competition and could care less that they could be chosen objectively out of breast size and maybe not even care about the issue of being genuinely loved. I've never been a control freak with the matter.
Like I said, I can have my own moments of being immodest.
I've always had issues with chauvenism.
I've had issues with being alone all the time as well.
Throughout time, I have adapted in my own way to either chauvenistic men or men who just don't give a shit and are either there for just conversation or just sex. So, while a riddle of "misery loves company," can be close to being accurate in having any serious kind of judgement over me. I would argue that I'm not a complete hermit. I would also say, I continue to support my own philosophy and beliefs that love is not systematic. Like Shania sings, "there ain't no particular way." In this situation, aside Nazi's and Supremacists that would think I should feel inferior and have no negative emotions of being pushed to feel inferior, I feel like the doormat for having to fight to show I care about someone after shoves of feeling sexual discrimination. While I think if he is being serious and I could say it is his own flaw to have a sexual discrimination, it is just as much example of imperfections.
I'm not an easy person to love. I'm aware that I have my own flaws but I'm also aware of things I love about myself and still have my pride.
I've always let it up for the man to be the ultimate decider. It is his choice of what he does and does not want to value in so many other examples that do not always include body composition or lists of vanities.
Some men even use it against women how experienced in relationships they are. I've been single with flings for a very long time. To make effort in being in a serious relationship could be a challenge on either ends. I don't use my singleness against myself as much as some men would.
I can't say there is any person where people could point the finger at me to say: love the one your with," or sing the "Desperado," song to me. I don't have another random person out there to "love." And while some people could rightfully call me desperate at the present time, while feeling choked to continue to war, I would continue to say my life HAS BEEN rigged. At the same time, my own personal vanity of knowing for myself that I have pride and feel like my life is nothing but communism, I still would want to make an effort to make things work knowing I'm desperate. My life and life set up, communism, everything has not made any sense for a long time. I'm not afraid to find conclusions. I'm not afraid to find more truth in life. I'm not afraid to give myself a chance at a relationship.
I really don't like to have to play the teacher role. I know how people can reverse it to say I'm the control freak and the one demanding people how to live. It is a time where I think self management and words right out of my mouth is necessary after having to have to go through more crap life throws at me.
Right now, the theme seems to be competition and modesty with what would ring in my head the most. I feel a mixture of both approval and unapproval. Only one person's approval matters in this instance.
I have never expected everyone in life to be the same, have the same values, have the same ways of being. In so many double standards, when being pushed to compete, I can get quite livid that not everyone holds their end of the bargain.
I care.
Because I care, I would put up some kind of fight, even when I feel it shouldn't even have to be necessary in the first place. It leads me to one of my values that I've already had to let go of on an occassion or few:
dictionary.com
mod·es·ty /ˈmɒdəsti/ Show Spelled
[mod-uh-stee] Show IPA
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
2. regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
3. simplicity; moderation.
Last time I checked, big boobs weren't out of fashion. While I am still against the ultimatum of being loved based on the size of my breasts, it is some women who would have no regard in thoughts of my own personal competition and could care less that they could be chosen objectively out of breast size and maybe not even care about the issue of being genuinely loved. I've never been a control freak with the matter.
Like I said, I can have my own moments of being immodest.
I've always had issues with chauvenism.
I've had issues with being alone all the time as well.
Throughout time, I have adapted in my own way to either chauvenistic men or men who just don't give a shit and are either there for just conversation or just sex. So, while a riddle of "misery loves company," can be close to being accurate in having any serious kind of judgement over me. I would argue that I'm not a complete hermit. I would also say, I continue to support my own philosophy and beliefs that love is not systematic. Like Shania sings, "there ain't no particular way." In this situation, aside Nazi's and Supremacists that would think I should feel inferior and have no negative emotions of being pushed to feel inferior, I feel like the doormat for having to fight to show I care about someone after shoves of feeling sexual discrimination. While I think if he is being serious and I could say it is his own flaw to have a sexual discrimination, it is just as much example of imperfections.
I'm not an easy person to love. I'm aware that I have my own flaws but I'm also aware of things I love about myself and still have my pride.
I've always let it up for the man to be the ultimate decider. It is his choice of what he does and does not want to value in so many other examples that do not always include body composition or lists of vanities.
Some men even use it against women how experienced in relationships they are. I've been single with flings for a very long time. To make effort in being in a serious relationship could be a challenge on either ends. I don't use my singleness against myself as much as some men would.
I can't say there is any person where people could point the finger at me to say: love the one your with," or sing the "Desperado," song to me. I don't have another random person out there to "love." And while some people could rightfully call me desperate at the present time, while feeling choked to continue to war, I would continue to say my life HAS BEEN rigged. At the same time, my own personal vanity of knowing for myself that I have pride and feel like my life is nothing but communism, I still would want to make an effort to make things work knowing I'm desperate. My life and life set up, communism, everything has not made any sense for a long time. I'm not afraid to find conclusions. I'm not afraid to find more truth in life. I'm not afraid to give myself a chance at a relationship.
I really don't like to have to play the teacher role. I know how people can reverse it to say I'm the control freak and the one demanding people how to live. It is a time where I think self management and words right out of my mouth is necessary after having to have to go through more crap life throws at me.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Doing my best to read in between lines
It really is annoying with the way some videos are edited to hear only some words. Anyway, I'm really not too sure about Jon this time around. I've never thought to have any sort of positive expectation from him if I were to run into him again. It just looks like there is gossip and talk going around and I'm nervous at how I am somehow growing/expanding.
I think Chris Wallace could be Dane's foodstamp or I could totally be wrong. I'm guessing that what is being said about Dane is that he is being attacked for isolated incident and also being labeled as an abuser for leaving me in the dark or feeling stranded by being walled up and making no comment. In another piece of gossip he may have already had drama in the past for being biased. Will have feedback after I say assumption about Jon.
I really don't know exactly what to make of Fox news with symbolism. Of course it is a literal network and I have some sort of share who works with Fox. In the past with AT&T competition, it could be more of a push to continue on with competing with communications and the media. In more down to earth, I could assume Jon may be mad at what people (Megan and other women) say about me to Dane and is being a white knight with me feeling backstabbed and left in the dark. He can see it a little my way with the Sampson and Delilah comparison. I assumed both of them to be Johnny Depp, but now it looks like Jon is saying he feels misunderstood and that he is not being serious about thinking I should commit suicide or be death defyingly stranded. Hey may also be framing the media for me to assume Dane or whatever Chris it is, is being serious that I should commit suicide.
I do not know if I will make any impact in critical thinking or mediation, it may be a fight that is just between them.
I'll start with Dane's defense. I said it once and I'll say it again: He is such a sexy predator. Yes, he pisses me off and can be so cruel, but he has his moments of being such a sexy predator. I really would not know how to resolve the battle because both Jon and Dane are predators and both guilty of being predatory. There is definitely different comparisons of how they are predators. Jon is a sexy predator too.
In my snowflake world, Dane is an officially single man. I have never felt comfortable in going for a married man whatsoever. They have both been players.
Finishing off isolated incident............ In a serious political perspective, it could relate to conservativism and privacy. But to mesh the serious politcal perspective with Dane, Dane is not fair. With the way his incident is set up, I feel defenseless, I feel like it is one sided, it is not politically correct to call it literal and fair political game. Different settings and circumstances where the worlds do not add up to an honest reality. He is still a sexy predator. I like the seductive fantasy unless he wants to intentionally ruin it with brutality. As for being biased? If Dane has learned his lesson and thinks more critically or thinks things through at all when making judgement rather than be quick to assume or jump to conclusions with no ground, than the past is the past. Personally, I don't think people should always have to think critically. Through time, people usually do figure out things for themselves and have a better idea when making judgement.
As for Jon, I can't see his entire agenda or what he is out to accomplish. I've recently assumed he represented Anthony Weiner and is with Stacy. I've thought he's been with her, but maybe the guys want to transition back into an open field where nothing is in stone and everyone is game.
In all honesty, I really do not know all of the details of the soaps to definitely know As the World Turns for Dane and Jon and how many women and how many stories they have with women. I have not been keeping up with all of their own man drama as they would probably assume in the stalker in me. I have an idea but I still think the name "Rose," in the "2 and a half men," show is a pretty exaggerated label and name to give me. I've been mad at that, but there have been so many other things I've been mad at, I havn't had time to cover all of my anger issues.
Dane is obviously on the grill right now and I grow anxious to possibly discover how he will respond to some grills and interrogations on what he really thinks about me or other drama in his life.
Jon, I really do not have a response right now for you. You can say easily it's all fun and games and comedy and the hate you spewed at me was not serious at all. (which I'll never believe) (in addition, I'll never be fully convinced that you want me to stay alive and not commit suicide). You rejected me and hated me in the worst way. Josh was a pretty harsh hater, but of course his hate would not compare to yours in the world of the big dogs. I have never had a man hate me the way you hate me. You don't exactly look like your gungho for being a white knight or sweet talker presently, although I do notice some sense of accountability of other people. While you could be critical of me going through Dane's cycle and think "hey, why not throw yourself back in my cycle?" I just do not systematically work that way. I guess at times, I could throw myself at some guys or have fake safety nets. Maybe I unconscioulsy make guys jealous, but I hate the game. I hate the idea of taking advantage of one person just to make another person jealous. I hate the idea of how some couples systematically drift apart and into each other. I hate the game and sometimes I hate the player for putting so much into the system where it just doesn't seem personal or like an actual relationship.
So, I'm the MIA oddball that is not like the rest of the commune or is conformed to the dating scene and the games of the dating scene. I really am trying to be patient. I guess I'm just tired of being the poor vulnerable one that will never have enough time invested to get to know me and rather be overlooked. I don't want my drama and personal life in the media anyway. I'm just tired of suffering over the same excuses and same systematic strategies. I'm tired of some relentlessness for me to be a slave or subjected to the commune. It drives me crazy sometimes with how I know I'm cattily being noticed and written about and that people would take so much life from me and use me in such extreme measures and not even realize I'm more than a piece of art object and people who may be actually interested in an actual relationship put too much into art rather than getting to know a down to earth individual.
Somtimes, the game and the mystery does keep the passion and interest alive. Other times, I think guys are already encoded to never know when they go too far or overboard. When a man puts himself first, he puts himself first. I give myself a pat on the back in dealing with some of my vulnerability.
So, I won't say I'm really on anyone's side or that I'm bought into believing anything. If anything, maybe I need to get a lesson on how to lie. Not sold on present rebound but the last blog is still the same.
I think Chris Wallace could be Dane's foodstamp or I could totally be wrong. I'm guessing that what is being said about Dane is that he is being attacked for isolated incident and also being labeled as an abuser for leaving me in the dark or feeling stranded by being walled up and making no comment. In another piece of gossip he may have already had drama in the past for being biased. Will have feedback after I say assumption about Jon.
I really don't know exactly what to make of Fox news with symbolism. Of course it is a literal network and I have some sort of share who works with Fox. In the past with AT&T competition, it could be more of a push to continue on with competing with communications and the media. In more down to earth, I could assume Jon may be mad at what people (Megan and other women) say about me to Dane and is being a white knight with me feeling backstabbed and left in the dark. He can see it a little my way with the Sampson and Delilah comparison. I assumed both of them to be Johnny Depp, but now it looks like Jon is saying he feels misunderstood and that he is not being serious about thinking I should commit suicide or be death defyingly stranded. Hey may also be framing the media for me to assume Dane or whatever Chris it is, is being serious that I should commit suicide.
I do not know if I will make any impact in critical thinking or mediation, it may be a fight that is just between them.
I'll start with Dane's defense. I said it once and I'll say it again: He is such a sexy predator. Yes, he pisses me off and can be so cruel, but he has his moments of being such a sexy predator. I really would not know how to resolve the battle because both Jon and Dane are predators and both guilty of being predatory. There is definitely different comparisons of how they are predators. Jon is a sexy predator too.
In my snowflake world, Dane is an officially single man. I have never felt comfortable in going for a married man whatsoever. They have both been players.
Finishing off isolated incident............ In a serious political perspective, it could relate to conservativism and privacy. But to mesh the serious politcal perspective with Dane, Dane is not fair. With the way his incident is set up, I feel defenseless, I feel like it is one sided, it is not politically correct to call it literal and fair political game. Different settings and circumstances where the worlds do not add up to an honest reality. He is still a sexy predator. I like the seductive fantasy unless he wants to intentionally ruin it with brutality. As for being biased? If Dane has learned his lesson and thinks more critically or thinks things through at all when making judgement rather than be quick to assume or jump to conclusions with no ground, than the past is the past. Personally, I don't think people should always have to think critically. Through time, people usually do figure out things for themselves and have a better idea when making judgement.
As for Jon, I can't see his entire agenda or what he is out to accomplish. I've recently assumed he represented Anthony Weiner and is with Stacy. I've thought he's been with her, but maybe the guys want to transition back into an open field where nothing is in stone and everyone is game.
In all honesty, I really do not know all of the details of the soaps to definitely know As the World Turns for Dane and Jon and how many women and how many stories they have with women. I have not been keeping up with all of their own man drama as they would probably assume in the stalker in me. I have an idea but I still think the name "Rose," in the "2 and a half men," show is a pretty exaggerated label and name to give me. I've been mad at that, but there have been so many other things I've been mad at, I havn't had time to cover all of my anger issues.
Dane is obviously on the grill right now and I grow anxious to possibly discover how he will respond to some grills and interrogations on what he really thinks about me or other drama in his life.
Jon, I really do not have a response right now for you. You can say easily it's all fun and games and comedy and the hate you spewed at me was not serious at all. (which I'll never believe) (in addition, I'll never be fully convinced that you want me to stay alive and not commit suicide). You rejected me and hated me in the worst way. Josh was a pretty harsh hater, but of course his hate would not compare to yours in the world of the big dogs. I have never had a man hate me the way you hate me. You don't exactly look like your gungho for being a white knight or sweet talker presently, although I do notice some sense of accountability of other people. While you could be critical of me going through Dane's cycle and think "hey, why not throw yourself back in my cycle?" I just do not systematically work that way. I guess at times, I could throw myself at some guys or have fake safety nets. Maybe I unconscioulsy make guys jealous, but I hate the game. I hate the idea of taking advantage of one person just to make another person jealous. I hate the idea of how some couples systematically drift apart and into each other. I hate the game and sometimes I hate the player for putting so much into the system where it just doesn't seem personal or like an actual relationship.
So, I'm the MIA oddball that is not like the rest of the commune or is conformed to the dating scene and the games of the dating scene. I really am trying to be patient. I guess I'm just tired of being the poor vulnerable one that will never have enough time invested to get to know me and rather be overlooked. I don't want my drama and personal life in the media anyway. I'm just tired of suffering over the same excuses and same systematic strategies. I'm tired of some relentlessness for me to be a slave or subjected to the commune. It drives me crazy sometimes with how I know I'm cattily being noticed and written about and that people would take so much life from me and use me in such extreme measures and not even realize I'm more than a piece of art object and people who may be actually interested in an actual relationship put too much into art rather than getting to know a down to earth individual.
Somtimes, the game and the mystery does keep the passion and interest alive. Other times, I think guys are already encoded to never know when they go too far or overboard. When a man puts himself first, he puts himself first. I give myself a pat on the back in dealing with some of my vulnerability.
So, I won't say I'm really on anyone's side or that I'm bought into believing anything. If anything, maybe I need to get a lesson on how to lie. Not sold on present rebound but the last blog is still the same.
Going to have to wait it out longer
I may not accurately see the world around me right now.
The digital world is pulling me into more hunches and I will be responsive this time. My heart is sincerely breaking. I know I can come off as hateful and harsh but my heart is sincerely breaking. I've never had a strong sense of competition in the dating world esp as a basketball analogy where a person's worth is summed up by being a player and how good of a player you are. I feel like there is a rebound that is falling in my lap this time and as much as I feel I should catch on to how life goes and that I should learn to be a better liar and bullshitter, I just can't lie right now. I am not emotionally feeling the rebound. Once again, IT IS A FUCKING BURMUDA REBOUND WHERE I STILL DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO SPECIFICALLY MY REBOUND IS. I am so fed up with some of the games people play and how some games aren't fair in anyway whatsoever.
To the hot rebound: I really don't know your name. You may eventually grow on me. I'm just not feeling it right now. I don't know how to tell you to sweep me off my feet. I don't know how to tell you how you should deal with me.
Other thoughts are brief. I want to remind people that the media is only one perspective and I still have a mind of my own. I really don't want to provoke anything with my dad, but I feel as if I am being pushed to feel like my biological father's loser and feel inferior to him. I hate the pressure of feeling his time may literally end soon, but I see him as the same man as I did growing up even if we don't have any conversation in present day at all: a chauvenistic control freak. I think my mom is a control freak as well. I'm anorexic to both of their pretentiousness, arrogance, and belittlement. Their hatefulness does bring limits to my life, just because I am forced to have limits with the way my parents choose to be does not mean that I feel inferior or enslaved to them. If people would have more experience with homicidal people, some just may understand why I act the way I act around my family.
As for random people outside of my family, I'm sick of the arrogance and pretentiousness as well. Who do some people think they really are to be the judge or have any sort of god complex? WHO DO SOME PEOPLE FUCKING THINK THEY ARE? I'm sick of the violence. I'm sick of the abuse in so many different varieties.
I know for myself that I can only do so much in my limits. My future seems to hold so much anxiety in knowing what I want and how limited I am. I brush off the kill of saying I should commit suicide. On the other hand I think it is cheesy and too optimistic to say the sky is the limit. I just have to wait.
The digital world is pulling me into more hunches and I will be responsive this time. My heart is sincerely breaking. I know I can come off as hateful and harsh but my heart is sincerely breaking. I've never had a strong sense of competition in the dating world esp as a basketball analogy where a person's worth is summed up by being a player and how good of a player you are. I feel like there is a rebound that is falling in my lap this time and as much as I feel I should catch on to how life goes and that I should learn to be a better liar and bullshitter, I just can't lie right now. I am not emotionally feeling the rebound. Once again, IT IS A FUCKING BURMUDA REBOUND WHERE I STILL DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO SPECIFICALLY MY REBOUND IS. I am so fed up with some of the games people play and how some games aren't fair in anyway whatsoever.
To the hot rebound: I really don't know your name. You may eventually grow on me. I'm just not feeling it right now. I don't know how to tell you to sweep me off my feet. I don't know how to tell you how you should deal with me.
Other thoughts are brief. I want to remind people that the media is only one perspective and I still have a mind of my own. I really don't want to provoke anything with my dad, but I feel as if I am being pushed to feel like my biological father's loser and feel inferior to him. I hate the pressure of feeling his time may literally end soon, but I see him as the same man as I did growing up even if we don't have any conversation in present day at all: a chauvenistic control freak. I think my mom is a control freak as well. I'm anorexic to both of their pretentiousness, arrogance, and belittlement. Their hatefulness does bring limits to my life, just because I am forced to have limits with the way my parents choose to be does not mean that I feel inferior or enslaved to them. If people would have more experience with homicidal people, some just may understand why I act the way I act around my family.
As for random people outside of my family, I'm sick of the arrogance and pretentiousness as well. Who do some people think they really are to be the judge or have any sort of god complex? WHO DO SOME PEOPLE FUCKING THINK THEY ARE? I'm sick of the violence. I'm sick of the abuse in so many different varieties.
I know for myself that I can only do so much in my limits. My future seems to hold so much anxiety in knowing what I want and how limited I am. I brush off the kill of saying I should commit suicide. On the other hand I think it is cheesy and too optimistic to say the sky is the limit. I just have to wait.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Number of thoughts
Today, I am recieving some kind of positive satisfaction or appreciation......
It is nice to hear but it doesn't change much of anything.
Where do I begin?
I want men to know I really care about being in a relationship. I really do. I think some men get the wrong impression when I don't get aggressive or don't fight, than that means that I don't care.
In the financial realm, when it comes to arguing and bickering over it, I've already had my bitchfests, rants, cries for help, and continue to say I do not blame myself. Ok, I can share a tad blame, but with how things have actually worked out, I do not blame myself entirely in struggles to survive. I think if anything, while I may not clearly see some agenda's, no more satisfaction is deserved over financial matters. I think guys and females with their own selfish motives are being pigs right now and nobody deserves any satisfaction over it. I think there are a lot of sadistic actions, torments, and strategies to keep me poor and rub in that I'm poor for lists of reasons that my enemies and haters have.
I do not blame myself for my financial circumstances. So, I've already said enough on the matter. Too proud to beg and too dumb to steal. In this instance, once again, while men or maybe just one particular man may be demanding of me to blame myself and be the one to crawl, it really is his own personal choice: should he stay or should he go? It is his choice where he wants to go from here. I already feel I've been dessert dry out of luck and if anyone seriously wanted to get anywhere with me, a new fresh person who is willing to literally work with me in finding and keeping a job minus corruption and irrational socialism and capitalism, than that would be the most trustworthy route. But as for the relationship where it should not be enmeshed in a work environment, I still care about being in a relationship. It still matters to me whether or not I get rejected and abandoned for being poor. It matters to me but it does not kill me. I've been single for a long time, I can be stuck being single for a long time. It sucks being single and it sucks to have to wait, but I will continue to try to survive in anyway I can.
I've been thinking of politics a little more. I remember I wrote a lot of essays in college and while I wonder about so many issues and accusations over general matters that isn't always taken with arrogance, I wonder if rather than people personally asking me, I'm being held accountable for some essays or blogs that I wrote a long time ago that may be taken out of context or irrationally taken to the extreme and as a serious decision where it was meant to be an essay or brainstorm or thought where action was never meant to be taken.......
I can't always see who is talking to me. Was it worth it to go to college? My college experience was not the best. I have a lot of resentment and grudges over the lack of control I had and how things went in a number of issues while I was there. I think I get away from my parents and home and seem to feel like I run into more people who want to belittle me and tell me how to live my life. The college experience was not entirely bad. There were some fun times. Had I not been so depressed at how some things went, I wish I would have tried harder and invested more time in having more friends and more solid friendships. I spent a lot of time on my own although I was not always alone at that school and still have things that I do not understand to this day. It was fun to go so far away and be an explorer and discoverer on my own. I like that I can say I independently went out on my own way far out of town and stuck it out and earned my degree. I do have some things I can be proud of although I don't have an official title or higher degree or official fame.
Right now, I'm bothered that some people do not entirely get me. I'm in hoarding mode. While some secrets or dreams may be shared, it does not mean I'm an entire sell out. I'm still protective of myself. I still have dreams and wishes of what lies in my future. There are things I think and know to myself that I just don't feel comfortable sharing in either some situations or blogs. It just doesn't feel comfortable or right. I guess unless on days, Elijah Wood wears his: "make yourself difficult," shirt. .................................
It is nice to hear but it doesn't change much of anything.
Where do I begin?
I want men to know I really care about being in a relationship. I really do. I think some men get the wrong impression when I don't get aggressive or don't fight, than that means that I don't care.
In the financial realm, when it comes to arguing and bickering over it, I've already had my bitchfests, rants, cries for help, and continue to say I do not blame myself. Ok, I can share a tad blame, but with how things have actually worked out, I do not blame myself entirely in struggles to survive. I think if anything, while I may not clearly see some agenda's, no more satisfaction is deserved over financial matters. I think guys and females with their own selfish motives are being pigs right now and nobody deserves any satisfaction over it. I think there are a lot of sadistic actions, torments, and strategies to keep me poor and rub in that I'm poor for lists of reasons that my enemies and haters have.
I do not blame myself for my financial circumstances. So, I've already said enough on the matter. Too proud to beg and too dumb to steal. In this instance, once again, while men or maybe just one particular man may be demanding of me to blame myself and be the one to crawl, it really is his own personal choice: should he stay or should he go? It is his choice where he wants to go from here. I already feel I've been dessert dry out of luck and if anyone seriously wanted to get anywhere with me, a new fresh person who is willing to literally work with me in finding and keeping a job minus corruption and irrational socialism and capitalism, than that would be the most trustworthy route. But as for the relationship where it should not be enmeshed in a work environment, I still care about being in a relationship. It still matters to me whether or not I get rejected and abandoned for being poor. It matters to me but it does not kill me. I've been single for a long time, I can be stuck being single for a long time. It sucks being single and it sucks to have to wait, but I will continue to try to survive in anyway I can.
I've been thinking of politics a little more. I remember I wrote a lot of essays in college and while I wonder about so many issues and accusations over general matters that isn't always taken with arrogance, I wonder if rather than people personally asking me, I'm being held accountable for some essays or blogs that I wrote a long time ago that may be taken out of context or irrationally taken to the extreme and as a serious decision where it was meant to be an essay or brainstorm or thought where action was never meant to be taken.......
I can't always see who is talking to me. Was it worth it to go to college? My college experience was not the best. I have a lot of resentment and grudges over the lack of control I had and how things went in a number of issues while I was there. I think I get away from my parents and home and seem to feel like I run into more people who want to belittle me and tell me how to live my life. The college experience was not entirely bad. There were some fun times. Had I not been so depressed at how some things went, I wish I would have tried harder and invested more time in having more friends and more solid friendships. I spent a lot of time on my own although I was not always alone at that school and still have things that I do not understand to this day. It was fun to go so far away and be an explorer and discoverer on my own. I like that I can say I independently went out on my own way far out of town and stuck it out and earned my degree. I do have some things I can be proud of although I don't have an official title or higher degree or official fame.
Right now, I'm bothered that some people do not entirely get me. I'm in hoarding mode. While some secrets or dreams may be shared, it does not mean I'm an entire sell out. I'm still protective of myself. I still have dreams and wishes of what lies in my future. There are things I think and know to myself that I just don't feel comfortable sharing in either some situations or blogs. It just doesn't feel comfortable or right. I guess unless on days, Elijah Wood wears his: "make yourself difficult," shirt. .................................
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Nazis and Wolfies and Bears oh my!
Ok, where do I begin. I didn't catch everything on all morning shows. I've only seen a few video clips.
Maggie is getting possessive again.
A reminder to those who pay attention to me: it is the reality of what she gets away with in her world. In my world, her "authority" means nothing. Right now I am a separatist of her cruelty to be sadistic of things that are known to bother me: her calling the shots over me and numbers of relationships, her demand to be my boss, her demand that I should have a boss.
Ben Roethlisberger, you still look like an angel. I must have not caught on to your wolf yet if you are one.
Anyway, some things are more obvious than others. I liked Houston Humphries as a person in high school. I can't say he is my best friend but he deserves to hear from me in some way. First off, I could be guessing wrong and he could see his Kim connection in someone else. I'm made to believe in this instance that I am connected to her. Houston, I see you more as a friend. I am not interested in your pursuits of wanting to live like a high schooler the rest of my life as you are. I remember that brief myspace message. I am anorexic to the engagement and relationship.
Depending on some obviousness and how some guys will come and go, I will make decisions of how I will respond during the times that men show up in my life. Adam Corolla. Could be self representing, have some shares, or I should remain hooked and believe he is representing the same 1 person. What a cruel world with how some games can go. I have the official label of being bipolar and as much as I have the potential to hate the label and stigma of being delusional, when it comes from me to say others bring it on themselves or no different in terms of delusion.............. Life can get ugly, violent, at such greater risk when some games are played the way they are played.
If he represents himself, I think he is attractive but I have no strong personal connections or personal story of him. I am uncertain to who and how many men he could have shares with.
There really are a number of thoughts that I keep private to myself.
Wolfies, you're making me give you some cheese: A woman's heart is like the ocean.
I can be complex. There may be things about me that some people will never know. It has been acknowledged by another that some things are sacred.....
While I'm not trying to live to be a tool of religion, I do value the thought of sacredness, shared secrets, unshared secrets, guarding one's heart.
People should always have free choice and free will what they want to do with their heart and how they want to share it. Some systems would say the heart is entirely based on sexuality. While I believe in love making, sensuality, sexuality, I think the common law should continue to be acknowledged: love and sex are not the same thing.
In my own personal way, I can own up as a woman that I believe women as a whole have a harder time in dealing with complications of sex and love than men, but men are still have the potential of being vulnerable whether they choose to guard themselves or not.
I have been observing some reactions lately and while I have not completely seen the movie or book "Wicked," I get the gist of issues of cattiness and female dominance.
It is such an obstacle for a woman to say what I said in the previous paragraph: "I can own up as a woman that I believe women as a whole have a harder time in dealing with complications of sex and love than men" Because there are so many other women who are ready and waiting for the right moment to pounce in competition to express their dominance, superiority, and authority over the woman to say they deserve to have the man she has because they are supposedly more mature and stable than the other.
I really am fed up with some female competitions and victimization games. Sickingly fed up.
I accept myself for who I am. When I reach certain points or certain limits, I can accept that without feeling I am a loser although I may look like I loser in some people's eyes.
I am in favor of organic food (being who I naturally am). At the same exact time, I am in favor of free will and free choice.
Some people would rather lie.
I am eventually going to watch all of the seasons of Mad Men. I already have a hunch that I hate January Jones and clues of who may be pigs of credit with copper "honesty" and "integrity."
Because of financial class issues, there will always be complications in shot calling. I have been adapting and adjusting and discovering some things for a period of time now. I remain nobody's slave even though I feel so choked sometimes by demands of others.
So wolfies, the only thing I can say to you is, that you may be able to win in some battles over me or for me. I contemplate loyalty all of the time. You will most likely never win the entire war. My heart is like an ocean. You may or may not get some lust I have over some predators. You may or may not get when I genuinly feel like I am getting raped. I complain a lot about my catty fame, but I think of all things said about me and all of the labels, I am grateful for the movie "Salt."
Who knows, maybe one day there will be a time where I will say for myself and be known to be such an openly loving person. Maybe I will continue on with varieties of games and burnings with some periods of loneliness or have shared honest, intimate moments.
Maggie is getting possessive again.
A reminder to those who pay attention to me: it is the reality of what she gets away with in her world. In my world, her "authority" means nothing. Right now I am a separatist of her cruelty to be sadistic of things that are known to bother me: her calling the shots over me and numbers of relationships, her demand to be my boss, her demand that I should have a boss.
Ben Roethlisberger, you still look like an angel. I must have not caught on to your wolf yet if you are one.
Anyway, some things are more obvious than others. I liked Houston Humphries as a person in high school. I can't say he is my best friend but he deserves to hear from me in some way. First off, I could be guessing wrong and he could see his Kim connection in someone else. I'm made to believe in this instance that I am connected to her. Houston, I see you more as a friend. I am not interested in your pursuits of wanting to live like a high schooler the rest of my life as you are. I remember that brief myspace message. I am anorexic to the engagement and relationship.
Depending on some obviousness and how some guys will come and go, I will make decisions of how I will respond during the times that men show up in my life. Adam Corolla. Could be self representing, have some shares, or I should remain hooked and believe he is representing the same 1 person. What a cruel world with how some games can go. I have the official label of being bipolar and as much as I have the potential to hate the label and stigma of being delusional, when it comes from me to say others bring it on themselves or no different in terms of delusion.............. Life can get ugly, violent, at such greater risk when some games are played the way they are played.
If he represents himself, I think he is attractive but I have no strong personal connections or personal story of him. I am uncertain to who and how many men he could have shares with.
There really are a number of thoughts that I keep private to myself.
Wolfies, you're making me give you some cheese: A woman's heart is like the ocean.
I can be complex. There may be things about me that some people will never know. It has been acknowledged by another that some things are sacred.....
While I'm not trying to live to be a tool of religion, I do value the thought of sacredness, shared secrets, unshared secrets, guarding one's heart.
People should always have free choice and free will what they want to do with their heart and how they want to share it. Some systems would say the heart is entirely based on sexuality. While I believe in love making, sensuality, sexuality, I think the common law should continue to be acknowledged: love and sex are not the same thing.
In my own personal way, I can own up as a woman that I believe women as a whole have a harder time in dealing with complications of sex and love than men, but men are still have the potential of being vulnerable whether they choose to guard themselves or not.
I have been observing some reactions lately and while I have not completely seen the movie or book "Wicked," I get the gist of issues of cattiness and female dominance.
It is such an obstacle for a woman to say what I said in the previous paragraph: "I can own up as a woman that I believe women as a whole have a harder time in dealing with complications of sex and love than men" Because there are so many other women who are ready and waiting for the right moment to pounce in competition to express their dominance, superiority, and authority over the woman to say they deserve to have the man she has because they are supposedly more mature and stable than the other.
I really am fed up with some female competitions and victimization games. Sickingly fed up.
I accept myself for who I am. When I reach certain points or certain limits, I can accept that without feeling I am a loser although I may look like I loser in some people's eyes.
I am in favor of organic food (being who I naturally am). At the same exact time, I am in favor of free will and free choice.
Some people would rather lie.
I am eventually going to watch all of the seasons of Mad Men. I already have a hunch that I hate January Jones and clues of who may be pigs of credit with copper "honesty" and "integrity."
Because of financial class issues, there will always be complications in shot calling. I have been adapting and adjusting and discovering some things for a period of time now. I remain nobody's slave even though I feel so choked sometimes by demands of others.
So wolfies, the only thing I can say to you is, that you may be able to win in some battles over me or for me. I contemplate loyalty all of the time. You will most likely never win the entire war. My heart is like an ocean. You may or may not get some lust I have over some predators. You may or may not get when I genuinly feel like I am getting raped. I complain a lot about my catty fame, but I think of all things said about me and all of the labels, I am grateful for the movie "Salt."
Who knows, maybe one day there will be a time where I will say for myself and be known to be such an openly loving person. Maybe I will continue on with varieties of games and burnings with some periods of loneliness or have shared honest, intimate moments.
Monday, June 13, 2011
today's thoughts
Some days of poverty are more grueling than others. Today is one of those days. I go and pick out a magazine and am reminded of the chaos I live in. I'm poor. I'm grueling, painfully poor and to purchase a magazine reminds me of my inability and scant chances of getting out or going anywhere. The materialism in the magazine is going to be even more painful. But, maybe it will give me some ideas anyway.
I did some job hunting. I don't know how its going to work out but hopefully I will eventually get a job.
I think Rubicon is coming after me. I'm mad already at his cheap accusation of the way I am labeled. Yes, I threw a fit last week but he obviously was not really listening to what I said: If there was a term that had no racial connection, I would use it. Sometimes, I feel I have to violently use language to get a point across and hopefully get through to some arrogant and ignorant people who have no clue. I know the world doesn't revolve around me. I've even made a Planet of the Apes comparison. I've heard racial terms before, but not all comparisons are meant to be racist. Heck, I've even used the Truman Show, The Wicker Man, The Panic Room, and several other movies to try to describe how I sometimes feel. He takes Planet of the Apes too personally and out of context with racism.
As the Sarah Turns: I'm seeing a few signs and am happy at a little emotional relief and am in a silent time where I have not made up my mind to build on to my hopes or find ways to guard or fight if I have to. It looks like the motive of his move is done out of his own guarding and wish for safety over me. I don't think the whole world knows my identity and that I may be definitely out in the open but I get confused sometimes in underground or catty networking that I have a hard time coming to a conclusion with. It is obvious but is it honest or promised?
I also don't know what to do next. I talked about being out of reach yesterday and while all possibilities may not be from hell maybe there is some good motive in it in my favor but I hate the out of reachness and feeling some subjectification by not being able to know what may be going on or be able to take any kind of action.
In other thoughts, I see some other guys where I feel I don't know enough to have some kind of say for them. I feel chased in a way, but I just don't know them enough. It feels too rushed. I feel demanded to be decisive where I don't have enough info to make a decision. Maybe some people think everything is B.S. and think to themselves: "what in the world is in a decision?" "there is no such thing as making decisions because its all b.s. and people do what they want whenever they want anyway."
I can say that sometimes, I can change my mind. I think its human to do so. I can say I have the potential to be disappointing. I can even own up to being shady or indecisive. Sometimes, my mind is made up. Other times, it literally takes time. Some choices vary in extent whether or not it is related to other people. But I am talking people in this situation. And right now, time is the major point. How people are going to be or what they are seeking is another point. What I want to make of things, how I'm going to be, and what I'm seeking is another point. Details. Having an idea.
Getting ready to take a hike..............................
I did some job hunting. I don't know how its going to work out but hopefully I will eventually get a job.
I think Rubicon is coming after me. I'm mad already at his cheap accusation of the way I am labeled. Yes, I threw a fit last week but he obviously was not really listening to what I said: If there was a term that had no racial connection, I would use it. Sometimes, I feel I have to violently use language to get a point across and hopefully get through to some arrogant and ignorant people who have no clue. I know the world doesn't revolve around me. I've even made a Planet of the Apes comparison. I've heard racial terms before, but not all comparisons are meant to be racist. Heck, I've even used the Truman Show, The Wicker Man, The Panic Room, and several other movies to try to describe how I sometimes feel. He takes Planet of the Apes too personally and out of context with racism.
As the Sarah Turns: I'm seeing a few signs and am happy at a little emotional relief and am in a silent time where I have not made up my mind to build on to my hopes or find ways to guard or fight if I have to. It looks like the motive of his move is done out of his own guarding and wish for safety over me. I don't think the whole world knows my identity and that I may be definitely out in the open but I get confused sometimes in underground or catty networking that I have a hard time coming to a conclusion with. It is obvious but is it honest or promised?
I also don't know what to do next. I talked about being out of reach yesterday and while all possibilities may not be from hell maybe there is some good motive in it in my favor but I hate the out of reachness and feeling some subjectification by not being able to know what may be going on or be able to take any kind of action.
In other thoughts, I see some other guys where I feel I don't know enough to have some kind of say for them. I feel chased in a way, but I just don't know them enough. It feels too rushed. I feel demanded to be decisive where I don't have enough info to make a decision. Maybe some people think everything is B.S. and think to themselves: "what in the world is in a decision?" "there is no such thing as making decisions because its all b.s. and people do what they want whenever they want anyway."
I can say that sometimes, I can change my mind. I think its human to do so. I can say I have the potential to be disappointing. I can even own up to being shady or indecisive. Sometimes, my mind is made up. Other times, it literally takes time. Some choices vary in extent whether or not it is related to other people. But I am talking people in this situation. And right now, time is the major point. How people are going to be or what they are seeking is another point. What I want to make of things, how I'm going to be, and what I'm seeking is another point. Details. Having an idea.
Getting ready to take a hike..............................
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Lots of thoughts
Before I start with my soap opera, I'll focus on other things. Business. I know it is unreasonable to think I could have a steady income off of my craft business but I am so upset that I never made bank this weekend. It rained both days and I had to leave early. It even cost money to set up where I didn't make anything at all. At least I am getting myself out there. It just sucks that I'm having such a crappy start up. I still have to deal with matrix men even at festival events. It is inescapable no matter where I go. Seriously, if someone were paid to find some info on me, why not just have a simple sit down conversation with me rather than wreck the rest of my life, my survival? Why should anyone feel entitled to put my survival on the line for whatever selfish reasons they are pursuing? I hate people. I hate people.
My life feels so depressing now. I'm alone. I can't find a job. I have to ask my parents for money. I remain offended at other sexual harassments of being a sex object or hooker of any sort. Right now, because of so much recklessness among so many people, there is not much I can do about gossip and things people say about me. There is not much I can do about undeserved entitlement that people somehow corruptly can still get away with. I can't do anything in this chaotic world.
I'm still going to go to the Sunday Brick walks and still try to sell my stuff. I feel as though I'm stuck blindly in someone's corruption and I don't know how to solve it. Pressure, feeling time is wasted, limits, I don't know how to save myself.
My anxiousness is coming back again in a way that I didn't want to......
As the Sarah turns..... I have to be open about it right now. There are still many other private moments but some things I have to be more open about.
I still get very confused with both Amish Jim and Dane and wonder how many other people Jim is connected to. With Jim, for some reason, I don't take his sexual harassment in severe offense or too harshly. He seems the type of guy that has 2 motives: to have fun and be a joker (not in a rapist way), as his own expression of manly dominance. I'm bothered with the dad connection, but I don't take Jim seriously with it.
As for one issue that I feel both probably share is that the boobie battle continues on. I said it earlier, I'll say it again: What is it that they are really expecting of me? What do they or other men want? They are the ones who are waging the war and on the attack. I've already used the ultimatum card before and I'll say it again: It isn't that I'm against getting a boob job. It is the fact of the ultimatum. I do not want to be systematically or objectively loved based on the size of my boobs. I am not going to throw some serious rant to give more satisfaction to men for the glory of boobs. It just isn't something that I care to debate with but a number of people are the ones who are responsible for topic of hate and discrimination. I already did write an earlier blog over sexual choice and even sexual correlations in social conversation and in work environment. I'm so upset that there has not been enough time spent in fixing sexual harassment and literal dictatorship in workplaces. Call it socialism or capitalism, I HAVN'T BEEN impressed with it one bit.
As for actual relationships, it is an entirely different world of its own where there should be no stress over it in regards to workplace. In actual relationships, I'm in such an emotional state right now. I hate how I feel like everyone is so out of reach. I hate not knowing definite and specific people. I am getting a clue with some men and I don't think I've ever known how to let someone in or approach me. I get so mad at the unfairness and disadvantage of blindness and being out of reach THAT THOSE OTHER MEN ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR. Seduction isn't everything. And it makes me so mad when I get called impossible when my world is set up to be impossible and out of reach. I hate how I feel I am passively being pushed to be gay by the lack of approach or interaction of some men. Some guys are such assholes. I don't know why they are still around anyway when they wanted to give me the impression of such a harsh passive rejection.
Dane, is playing another dog game. I seriously believe he wants me to be paranoid and not anorexic with him calling me his dog. I do not completely get him yet in entirety of ridicule and comedy. I don't know if he is trying to seduce, have serious harshness, or pure comedy with dog relation. He seems to care about me being "his dog." literal faithfulness or loyalty? or in a more crude sense, bitch slave? I have been thinking about loyalty issues in general terms of relationships over some time now. Some people are so harsh and judgemental against people who are loyal. I'm grey and havn't come to a definite conclusion of what to think of it. Loyalty really is a good character trait but I've seen the antagonist where they think loyalty is the devil. To respond to being a dog for Dane? Yes and no. I could see how he could label me as a male dog but I guess when trying to solve my stockholm survival, I have no choice but to have such an adrenaline rush for myself when in some situations. I think I've gradually been more used to it, but there are still times that I can freeze and not know what to do. Not just him, but other stockholms. I can joke with it, but I would rather be seen as a female bitch. I conclude myself again as yes and no and being a little shady. WIth so many other emotions, I can't yet get a reaction out of myself of being compared to a cute little chihuahua where funny dominance is being expressed over me. I just don't know what to say. It's funny and it's not funny at all. I can't even bite him from here.........
My life feels so depressing now. I'm alone. I can't find a job. I have to ask my parents for money. I remain offended at other sexual harassments of being a sex object or hooker of any sort. Right now, because of so much recklessness among so many people, there is not much I can do about gossip and things people say about me. There is not much I can do about undeserved entitlement that people somehow corruptly can still get away with. I can't do anything in this chaotic world.
I'm still going to go to the Sunday Brick walks and still try to sell my stuff. I feel as though I'm stuck blindly in someone's corruption and I don't know how to solve it. Pressure, feeling time is wasted, limits, I don't know how to save myself.
My anxiousness is coming back again in a way that I didn't want to......
As the Sarah turns..... I have to be open about it right now. There are still many other private moments but some things I have to be more open about.
I still get very confused with both Amish Jim and Dane and wonder how many other people Jim is connected to. With Jim, for some reason, I don't take his sexual harassment in severe offense or too harshly. He seems the type of guy that has 2 motives: to have fun and be a joker (not in a rapist way), as his own expression of manly dominance. I'm bothered with the dad connection, but I don't take Jim seriously with it.
As for one issue that I feel both probably share is that the boobie battle continues on. I said it earlier, I'll say it again: What is it that they are really expecting of me? What do they or other men want? They are the ones who are waging the war and on the attack. I've already used the ultimatum card before and I'll say it again: It isn't that I'm against getting a boob job. It is the fact of the ultimatum. I do not want to be systematically or objectively loved based on the size of my boobs. I am not going to throw some serious rant to give more satisfaction to men for the glory of boobs. It just isn't something that I care to debate with but a number of people are the ones who are responsible for topic of hate and discrimination. I already did write an earlier blog over sexual choice and even sexual correlations in social conversation and in work environment. I'm so upset that there has not been enough time spent in fixing sexual harassment and literal dictatorship in workplaces. Call it socialism or capitalism, I HAVN'T BEEN impressed with it one bit.
As for actual relationships, it is an entirely different world of its own where there should be no stress over it in regards to workplace. In actual relationships, I'm in such an emotional state right now. I hate how I feel like everyone is so out of reach. I hate not knowing definite and specific people. I am getting a clue with some men and I don't think I've ever known how to let someone in or approach me. I get so mad at the unfairness and disadvantage of blindness and being out of reach THAT THOSE OTHER MEN ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR. Seduction isn't everything. And it makes me so mad when I get called impossible when my world is set up to be impossible and out of reach. I hate how I feel I am passively being pushed to be gay by the lack of approach or interaction of some men. Some guys are such assholes. I don't know why they are still around anyway when they wanted to give me the impression of such a harsh passive rejection.
Dane, is playing another dog game. I seriously believe he wants me to be paranoid and not anorexic with him calling me his dog. I do not completely get him yet in entirety of ridicule and comedy. I don't know if he is trying to seduce, have serious harshness, or pure comedy with dog relation. He seems to care about me being "his dog." literal faithfulness or loyalty? or in a more crude sense, bitch slave? I have been thinking about loyalty issues in general terms of relationships over some time now. Some people are so harsh and judgemental against people who are loyal. I'm grey and havn't come to a definite conclusion of what to think of it. Loyalty really is a good character trait but I've seen the antagonist where they think loyalty is the devil. To respond to being a dog for Dane? Yes and no. I could see how he could label me as a male dog but I guess when trying to solve my stockholm survival, I have no choice but to have such an adrenaline rush for myself when in some situations. I think I've gradually been more used to it, but there are still times that I can freeze and not know what to do. Not just him, but other stockholms. I can joke with it, but I would rather be seen as a female bitch. I conclude myself again as yes and no and being a little shady. WIth so many other emotions, I can't yet get a reaction out of myself of being compared to a cute little chihuahua where funny dominance is being expressed over me. I just don't know what to say. It's funny and it's not funny at all. I can't even bite him from here.........
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Heavy Weight Talk
Right now, even though I already feel I fail Russia and myself in just a few ways, I have not forgotten or let go of a Russian talk concerning patience. While I may not be specifying any particular Russian man about patience, the article is still something I care about.
There will always be religious debate or even outside philosophies or conformed views that the single issue of having sex is the biggest relevance or key when it concerns matters of patience. I still get tempered from time to time at how sex can be used against people when it comes to having relationships or commitments. This can be taken in several ways, but since I am from a religious history, I meant it as not being holy or pure enough. Taken in the opposing view of not being sexually experienced enough, people have their own opinions. Personally? I love sex but sex isn't everything. I don't think a person's sexuality should determine ultimate superiority. Of course there can be preferencs, but I disagree with basis of superiority.
What brings this to mind is the latest talk about Austerity. While Austerity is definitely a political term, I am presently directing it at how it effects and correlates with relationships outside of politics in my own personal world. When looking at the political term and elaborations of austerity, it is painful to look at. In theoretical elaboration, it is mentioned that austerity has its own measure of optimism and hope. It is not a definite rejection but a conditional or shady one. It is a view that has potential where things get better in time.
Patience. Patience. Patience. It can be such a killer at times. I see how lack of patience can ruin or be a killer as well. This is when I say it is a tough world and a tough life. I feel I've already had more than enough shares of relationship talk of single boot camp. I do encourage that independence is a good thing and sometimes, being single is a good thing as well. People should learn how to survive and adapt independently and be on their own without having to be in a relationship. I'm fed up and I really don't want to hear any type of advice at all. I simply want to acknowledge and state the pain and struggle of the issue of patience.
In correlation of austerity, while there is some fairness and sportiness in relation to love and relationships, it is still a structured and conditional love. People do have rights to have their own standards and own boundaries. People have rights to choose to unconditionally love or choose to abide by their standards. People have the rights to put themselves first. It is rights that I would choose to support over communism ANY DAY. It can be heart breaking to not feel some kind of equivalence. It can be heartbreaking with double standards. It can definitely be heartbreaking or full-fledged war when a person is denied their individual rights.
Despite my own times of being a whiner while being single, I still claim I have myself. I get depressed and upset but just because I have emotions, I don't feel like a loser. I don't feel like it has gotten the best of me. I feel natural and normal in my own way. There may be more of a majority that would have no rules at all and stay gungho and aggressive until they can find any sort of relationship.
Next thoughts are underdog issues. Clouds. I think in present times, there is a softer approach. There is some kind of freshness.
As for past times, I want myself to be known: I can't believe some people were that immature and controlling. It is a strategy of control. When an architect does not get their way of control with me, they can be downright dirty and ugly in the matrix. I seriously look down on the people that are responsible for some of their sick mind games and sick cruel games of heart snatching or victimizng of all sorts. I think it was immature and controlling. Past and present, I stay cloudy and shady myself with the way other people call shots. There are no promises. There are no commitments. I will not have fear over anyone's trickery or today's word of the day, "Skull Duggary." If people want to play games, we can get to the nitty gritty or B.S. more. I will not fear them. It isn't fair for some people to waste my time, but I will always stay steadfast in resolving myself and looking forward to the future.
In present times, yes, it is softer and fresher. I want to take it light and easy right now. I'd strive to toughen up if it won't be that way. In rolling with patience and endurance, I'm going to try to be optimistic and hopeful for the future.
There will always be religious debate or even outside philosophies or conformed views that the single issue of having sex is the biggest relevance or key when it concerns matters of patience. I still get tempered from time to time at how sex can be used against people when it comes to having relationships or commitments. This can be taken in several ways, but since I am from a religious history, I meant it as not being holy or pure enough. Taken in the opposing view of not being sexually experienced enough, people have their own opinions. Personally? I love sex but sex isn't everything. I don't think a person's sexuality should determine ultimate superiority. Of course there can be preferencs, but I disagree with basis of superiority.
What brings this to mind is the latest talk about Austerity. While Austerity is definitely a political term, I am presently directing it at how it effects and correlates with relationships outside of politics in my own personal world. When looking at the political term and elaborations of austerity, it is painful to look at. In theoretical elaboration, it is mentioned that austerity has its own measure of optimism and hope. It is not a definite rejection but a conditional or shady one. It is a view that has potential where things get better in time.
Patience. Patience. Patience. It can be such a killer at times. I see how lack of patience can ruin or be a killer as well. This is when I say it is a tough world and a tough life. I feel I've already had more than enough shares of relationship talk of single boot camp. I do encourage that independence is a good thing and sometimes, being single is a good thing as well. People should learn how to survive and adapt independently and be on their own without having to be in a relationship. I'm fed up and I really don't want to hear any type of advice at all. I simply want to acknowledge and state the pain and struggle of the issue of patience.
In correlation of austerity, while there is some fairness and sportiness in relation to love and relationships, it is still a structured and conditional love. People do have rights to have their own standards and own boundaries. People have rights to choose to unconditionally love or choose to abide by their standards. People have the rights to put themselves first. It is rights that I would choose to support over communism ANY DAY. It can be heart breaking to not feel some kind of equivalence. It can be heartbreaking with double standards. It can definitely be heartbreaking or full-fledged war when a person is denied their individual rights.
Despite my own times of being a whiner while being single, I still claim I have myself. I get depressed and upset but just because I have emotions, I don't feel like a loser. I don't feel like it has gotten the best of me. I feel natural and normal in my own way. There may be more of a majority that would have no rules at all and stay gungho and aggressive until they can find any sort of relationship.
Next thoughts are underdog issues. Clouds. I think in present times, there is a softer approach. There is some kind of freshness.
As for past times, I want myself to be known: I can't believe some people were that immature and controlling. It is a strategy of control. When an architect does not get their way of control with me, they can be downright dirty and ugly in the matrix. I seriously look down on the people that are responsible for some of their sick mind games and sick cruel games of heart snatching or victimizng of all sorts. I think it was immature and controlling. Past and present, I stay cloudy and shady myself with the way other people call shots. There are no promises. There are no commitments. I will not have fear over anyone's trickery or today's word of the day, "Skull Duggary." If people want to play games, we can get to the nitty gritty or B.S. more. I will not fear them. It isn't fair for some people to waste my time, but I will always stay steadfast in resolving myself and looking forward to the future.
In present times, yes, it is softer and fresher. I want to take it light and easy right now. I'd strive to toughen up if it won't be that way. In rolling with patience and endurance, I'm going to try to be optimistic and hopeful for the future.
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