Jon

~speaking from a laid back and easy going posture and state of mind~

Jon,
Right now, I see you as hard to read more than anything. I see myself more as coming to you in this instance than to try to meet any specific demands. I don't take you and Steve seriously or at face value when playing around. As for you being my Brawny man, you are and you aren't safe. It is a win-lose with some things. I also take you as a multiple texter who has the potential to respond in any kind of way and maybe even in a trapping way. How could life get any riskier?
Anyway, I'm going to try your Brawny man out a little more. Life is usually pretty heavy and tough for me. I think some days are worse than others and the days that are worse are especially more difficult when being alone. I think some media and gossip circuits have been going around a little more. The Penelope Cruz pirate has already been out of the box, but sometimes people get it in different ways with this island that I'm on. I have a down to earth life and media life to juggle where it has never been fair or even with any kind of reasonable structure or life. It is like I feel the weight of being famous without literally being famous or rich, but still have some consequences to deal with anyway. This is a reason why I feel taken advantage of by the media. Of course I'm going to be easier on you for the time, but I don't think you are the only famous and wealthy person responsible.
Something odd is going on at the hospital that I'm not getting. This is a time where I don't get the matrix or networking and I think I'm not the only person who is confused with how things are networked and concluded.
I still feel ignored as a person. I still feel like I am in the middle of some abstract mess where people do nothing but compete to see whose slave I am going to be.
Your other women.........hmph..... Jon, I just feel I'm in an impossible situation with this. While I think some people would deny me, other people could catch on to who I am. In a figurative sense, there really is no breathing room. I can't tell if it is just you that sadistically wants to feel pleasure over the people I have to put up with, or if you have any kind of expectation or demand of me to deny myself and make the best acting job I can that: I am inferior, they are to be feared, I should worship the ground they walk on, their judgement is above mine, they are far better at anything than I will ever be, that I'm a bimbo. I could say I feel that they definitely want me to be their underdog, but with you it seems like it is multiple texting to see how and who will respond to you. If you are expecting me to be their underdog, people's hate is something I obviously can't control, but when it comes to myself, I feel like there is no safe way to work with it. I feel no matter what I do; I can't win. I don't know what it is that you are expecting.
Katie is still at a distance. Although I hate her harassment, accusations, stalking, and desperations of all sorts, I still have a concern for her. This isn't about codependence or domination games. It really is a comment where people win some and lose some and the people that are on my side, she is a danger to herself. It is just one of those things where I have no other choice but to let go and have her learn for herself, but with how it is with my sister and I, everything is impossible between us. I'm still tired of her aggressiveness and hostility that is from her being full of herself. A guess right now could be that her current hostility is about thinking that I'm after David and wanting to wreck them, or it is the usual domination battle where she is desperate to say that I am her inferior.
Katie isn't the only person I have to put up with. I'm just so impatient Jon. I'm so impatient with so many people and I feel like my life is on the line no matter what I do. I'm ignored as a person and people are always going to be catty in playing domination games. I don't know how to help myself. With how your Brawny man is with all of your women; I don't know if you're going to be much to lean on either. I don't know how to find protection. I don't know how to disarm people. I don't know what to expect from you.
I don't know how to not breath.

~Master I love you ~ you know I need you ~ got to have you ~ can't be without you~