Random thoughts

Today was another day.
A few good things. Some days are more exhausting than others. Today, I was more productive than I have been. It depends on so much any more and for the most part it is a bunch of trivial small stuff. Another good thing, I have another potential place for sales. Two places actually. I don't know if I will experiment with one or not because even on my poor budget, it is a risky expense.
I still havn't decided what I think with Anderson yet. I like him and I don't like him. He is another person that I don't always know how to take or who is really in control of some flying info. Sometimes, I think Erin and Maggie are around and I hate that he gives the impression that we are on good terms or are friends. He continues to damn me for some reason. I can tell he pays attention to me, but sometimes, I feel I am buried under so much talk and gossip it is difficult to decipher the things that are going on or what it is that someone may be trying to get at. Sometimes it does seem unfair. Other times, I keep thoughts to myself or have nothing to say.
With the anorexia thing today; I have never considered my figurative speech to be any serious joke with anorexia. I will most likely keep using my figurative speech. As for others taking any serious obsession to criticize my fitness or eating habits? I'm anorexic to that too. I couldn't help but wonder about the generalization of it all. It is as if there are some people that have their own secrets of their figurative anorexia and they are there to say they have figurative anorexia too.

Love life. It isn't something that I want to make super public or super exploit. I have a clue that I've made a slutty rep of myself and some days, the pill is harder to swallow than others. I don't think he wants me in much of a frenzy right now, but I can't help but be anxious for myself. He gives some responsiveness while I still consider him dodging a question by making it look like there is a response but still not getting at it. It is obvious that he must not care that much, but it bothers me that he would say that. It is to my offense. He is being impossible and having some close distance at the same time. He isn't fair. If I have to go through so many men and say the same thing time after time; I will. My mind will never change no matter who I'm with. I seriously never have believed in my past times that some men subjecting me or any other woman like that was serious. I have only noticed it in the past couple of years and more fairly in saying it is more often in fame but still corruptly mixed up in the matrix with other people. Concubinism without a literal marriage but with expectation to "look up to" or "answer to" whatever "queen" concubine there is. I think some men intentionally damn me to be single for the rest of my life.

Dear Anderson

NOT much really today. I question how much of a stranger you are. MAybe you know both TAMIKA AND JOSH (WHO IS HE TRYING TO KID WITH THE COLDPLAY LOOK?) GET UNDER MY SKIN AND COMMUNICATE IN OTHER WAYS (THE SHIFT KEY ISN'T WORKING SO I HAVE TO USE CAPS) ANYWAY, IF YOU ARE A STRANGER, I'M ANOREXIC TO THE WHOLE SHOW. IF YOU ARE NOT A STRANGER, THAN WHY? IS IT A FURTHER LANGUAGE WITH GRANDMA AND MIDDLE FINGER? I DON'T KNOW.
WHILE THE WEALTHY CALL THE SHOTS OR WHATEVER RANDOM PERSON CALLS THE SHOTS TO INTENTIONALLY GET UNDER MY SKIN, I REMAIN ANOREXIC TO THE PEOPLE WHO TOSS ME AROUND AND "TAKE ME IN."
AS FOR LEE? I'M STILL CONFUSED WITH THAT WHOLE MIX UP. I REMAIN ANOREXIC TO DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES AS WELL AND STILL SEE BOB AS A STRANGER THAT I MOST LIKELY WILL EVENTUALLY MEET IN PERSON.
I DON'T KNOW A WHOLE LOT OF DRAMA WITH THE BABY'S FATHER THAT MAY BE GOING AROUND. FOR THE MORE REAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE, AND THE RELATION IN THIS INSTANCE, I'M NOT REALLY OUT TO EXPLOIT OR MAKE THINGS WORSE. I'M NOT NECESSARILY SAYING THAT HE HAS MY LOYALTY. I MAY EVENTUALLY HAVE TO BE EXPLOITIVE IN MY INSTINCTS. IF THERE IS ANY SERIOUS CONVERSATION, IT SHOULD BE BETWEEN ME AND HIM; NOT THE WORLD'S ENTERTAINMENT.
I THINK OTHER TALK SHOW ENTERTAINERS HAVE FREE GIVEAWAYS BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE A LITTLE WITH IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE NEXT OPRAH. HEY MAN, THE DAY YOU GIVE OUT CARS, LET ME KNOW AND I WILL DEFINITELY GET TICKETS TO SEE YOUR SHOW.
STILL CONFUSED IN HOW TO TAKE YOU AND UNCERTAIN IF YOU SHOULD BE ON MY GOOD SIDE. NONE THE LESS, HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING TOMORROW.

Random Blog and some talk

I'm planning on how I'm going to prolong the rest of the winter and next year until my maternity time is up. It is almost over with the flea market which slims my odds of making sales. Black Friday is just in a few days which is another reminder of being painfully poor. I actually havn't been to a black friday in several years. Yes, SEVERAL. I can't even remember the last time that I went to one. For someone known to be a shopper and spender, I really havn't gone to one in that long. I don't think I have the shopping fanatic rep as I have before anyway...........
I am happy that there is a such thing as Etsy, Ebay, and Amazon. It is a new trial to see how my sales will work out. I may eventually throw in some other random things than my crafts and see how that will do.

I caught up on last night's SNL today. I had a few laughs. I actually saw a lot of catty stories within the comic sketches that gives me hints at some things.... There is just a lot that I either don't take seriously or believe. Because of some blindess, things missed, misunderstanding others, and feeling misunderstood, it all adds up to blah sometimes............Anyway, the hints that I can most recall.
It looks like Jon is taking the route of polygamy. I understand why Seth was constantly bringing up New HAMpshire........ Sometimes, it can be easy to be emotionally easy and lenient, but I think I'm going to stay anorexic.
I really didn't get the gist of the family Thanksgiving.
Jason. I still don't understand how the math was done in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." If there are any present connections, I don't understand how there are any serious connections or how it is even fair for me to be labeled or even subjected to the judgement in that movie.
Seth, in my own wonder woman world, I wonder if you have a share with "Lee," off of Desperate Housewives? Just random wonders.
It looks like there could be drama with some of the social work teachers at ORU. It looks like there are hints but I'm unsure of a lot of things or what they are there for. I guess with the actual things I have to compete with, they are taking the spotlight for it in their own supremacy of the field. Different people in the most different places and settings. It does sound like I could be seriously be taken seriously over with some people that are there. Kind of like "bring it on."

Nothing else is really new today. Nothing much else to say.

Personal Thoughts in my world

Where do I begin?
There is a lot of drama that is too much of a distance for me. My responses to it can vary. Some responses do not mean that I am subjected to whoever is being dramatic or judgemental. I am a person of leisure that responds to people at my own leisure. Yes, I have said it quite a bit already. I know some judgement would say I shouldn't have to say it, but I know I have to say it. People are constantly being arrogant with me. I would remind people every single time at where I stand, if I had to.
Erin and Jon. There is confusion in the capitalism. To whoever the real Jon is, I will remind both Erin and Jon that I refuse to be subjected to anything they think or say. If I get forced into their slave labor, I know for myself that it never has been or will ever be something that I would be willing to do. I just might end up murdering someone for their entitlement. Who knows after I'm being provoked with such an intense hate?
If it is the babies dad, I do have doubts at literal connections. But if it really were true, I was never close enough to be hurt in anyway. The degrading manipulations are not going to work with me even if he were to be gay. (For someone to be gay is never degrading to begin with in a person's individual way. It is when someone tries to control someone else with partner choices.) I am still alright with being single.
Jon Stewart. Last I heard, he was still married. I've already said I'm still upset with past things that he has said and done. So, maybe he is just out to try to humiliate or hate me by using Erin as his safety net. Whatever.
There could be some local connections that I was never close with to begin with. I'm pretty sure one beefhead is already aggressive against me for her, and I don't know what he is really trying to prove?
Kimmel was close to accurate with Feist. Yes, I think like a Canadian in that I'm better than Americans although I'm technically an American. Her musical personality matches me in some ways. But as for timing of tears and accurate reasons of tears, it isn't accurate. I don't like how I am being presented as being the beggar. It isn't accurate. I havn't been manipulated. I don't feel like I've lost myself in anyway although capitalist pigs would frame the drama of my stories in their favor with their points of view or payed off points of view.
Still not on good terms with Dane. I can't help but be violent around him. ~shameless~
Josh? He could be taking Feist too far in symbolism and take it that I'm hitting on him. I still do not want him or to be with him.
..........................................................
This SNL this weekend wasn't that bad. Of course, I couldn't stay awake, but I watched most of the show. Big Cold Play fan. I'm also getting pulled in to be curious.....I don't know if it is a manipulation to keep watching the show or what the real motive is. I don't know how much I will keep watching the show. It is more difficult to be sincerely leisure but there is always the potential to be sincerely leisure. I think me and SNL still have a Russian reputation against each other. One additional thought: One of my top baby names isn't really themed or purposed to be Italian or Tyler Perry. I would like to say that I have nothing against Tyler Perry, but in one of his last movies, "Precious," I have issues in the movie and how it was played and done. Madea is a funny character, but if I were to name my baby "Mitzia," I really don't plan on her taking after Madea. She does have a free will in life to be whatever she wants to be of course. I would never be a communist parent. But, the name isn't purposed to take after an old lady.
.............................................................
From time to time I have random crushes and interests and lusts. It is hard to know what to believe about a lot of men or things people say or want me to believe. I still consider myself single. Because of my snowflake philosophy, it varies with people in how quiet or outgoing I am with others.
In another state of mind, I don't want to overstress myself with man drama.

Random Thoughts

I've had cabin fever for some time now and some time to come. Some days it is boring, dreadful, isolating, and even tormenting for its own term. Other days, it is easy, peaceful, and laid back. I really don't have anywhere to go or anything to do. Being a homebody does have the potential to turn into a nightmare, but it all depends on a lot of things. There are some days that even if I were to magically inherit a large sum of money and remain a homebody I still would want to feel challenged in some way. Of course my wants of being challenged are usually different than how other people want me to be challenged. Right now, I don't feel like being challenged in the transition I am in. If I were to inherit a large sum of money, I would most likely start some business of my own and be challenged off of it itself. Being a poor homebody where I live can be more dreadful at sometimes than others. It shouldn't be so much when the baby gets here. ~thoughts outloud to myself~

~more thoughts outloud to myself~
As secretive as I like to be and quiet as I like to be at times, sometimes, it is difficult to figure out a way to feel ok with myself. Whether I continue to sit quietly to myself or find ways to try to express myself, sometimes it gets impossible to feel ok, especially since I am a more vulnerable adult.

It is probably obvious with a new seduction from a not so new person, and it confuses me in a number of ways. I want to cry. I want to run run run run run. I want to make myself unnoticed, hard, and not a giveaway or obvious all at one time. There is just too much in the past. There were and have been some things that I question, some rumors, and some definite things I have already seen him make choices with and how he chose to treat me amongst so much drama. Painfully poor and vulnerable. In times like these, some thoughts, strategies, or motives seem to make sense in the overall system, but I still hate the system despite it all.
I have some peace to myself in what I've already said for myself. There may be more to discover or things that I am unprepared for, but I have some level of feeling alright with myself for what I've already said.
Breathing breathing breathing I'm going to be ok I'm going to be ok

Gossip with Trump

Mr. Trump,

You must like my mudpies. lol. Looks like Hunter Jon wants to throw mud on me as well. Pizza pizza pizza. ~eye roll~ desperate pervert that doesn't know how to give a restless, stalked woman that had been messed with way too much a break from people intentionally wanting to drive her insane..............
He spells out "a-s-s-h-o-l-e" one too many times.
As for racism? With so much ridicule and forms of comedy, sometimes, it really is hard to tell with Jon not only how to take him but how serious he is being. I have given a lot of political talk and thoughts a break in my world. Sometimes I pay attention, but if I pay too much attention, I get bored or even sick. But back to the main point, Herman Cain and Jon's racism. I think with some topics with some politicians, some comments and insinuations are bound to be made. Some people still havn't given up on Obama's birth certificate and questioning his religion. I think you were one of them but I could be wrong. I take Jon mostly with humor and not that serious. I don't think he is seriously racist with his proof of life already with associations he has and people he works with. Maybe some people have a higher tolerance of putting up with other people which includes racism, but then again it is another thing to prove racism wrong with obvious tolerance. My lack of tolerance is something that I would not see myself as being racist over.
Maybe this is about the "Skinhead," mentioned yesterday in the news that looks a little like Jr. I think the transformation is great. I really do. I hate to say that I would believe he was a skinhead. But I wonder if this is some kind of self righteous competition going on between your son Jr and Jon. I could see Jon as being racist when it comes to women and even a nazi with specific women that don't meet his racial requirements. Stupid idiot that obviously can't even cover his tracks. But if your son isn't a Nazi anymore and there is a self righteous competition, I suggest you switch your targeting and aim. I think taking aim at Jon being racist more towards women than black men would probably have better grounding. Not just for how they physically look but for feminist qualities and women who are not conformists or easy to boss around.
Personally, I hate any kind of self-righteous competitions. I hate that my life gets lied about and turned into a Picasso with lists of things that people choose to be self-righteous with me. You have been one of those people with a few different things that I have noticed and I'm still mad that I went down without a fight over what the accusations were. I really don't want to bicker or cry over spilled perfume. Sometimes, I do want justice or revenge. Other times, I'm fed up with desperation to ruin my name and how much I get damned over what people say.

Yay for mudpie

Random Thoughts

Life is hell. I actually have somebody I can vent over my problems with but I don't know how long it will last until I feel even more hopeless than I am now. I still can't see the architect's, what people are really up to, what people are trying to prove when they use and abuse me without my consent. I did catch on that Jon had some satire with the matrix, but I'm not really sure what he is really trying to say in his satire. He can ridicule all he wants; I know I'm not full of shit. He keeps his tracks covered in the worst of ways when he puts his abuse at my expense. I don't really have a lot to say about Mindy. I feel like people are trying to bribe me off again. I don't know what the bribe is really about? They don't want me to be angry? They don't like the way I stare at them? They want to bribe me into their conformity? Who knows. The media, Hollywood, whatever the system is really called doesn't do it for me. It obviously hasn't and the bribers are not giving up on their bribery. They are not accepting that I think they do nothing but waste my time. I did give some small credit that the media does have its benefits. Overall, I am not satisfied. It is not what I'm asking for. It is not what I want. I still don't get the system or the purpose of why I'm getting taken advantage of the way I'm getting taken advantage of. I can already tell the bribers fear me having a real job. I already see their insecurity with their tyranny and communism. I've seen it for awhile. Who is it that I need to break? Who is it that I need to expose or exploit? Who is it that really needs me to make them get it? Jon is part of the media and entertainment, but he isn't all of it. He can only have partial blame for the shared communism.
Heck, I was even harassed by a telemarketer today who was being judgemental with me over the phone. Of all the employment rules I've had to live by while being employed, I just can't get over that people like him still have jobs over their entitlement to go from telephone operator to supreme judge. Of all the things I've been fired for and hated for, it sickens me to no end how hated I am and how corrupt and unfair life is.
I can't see who is responsible or how many are responsible for wanting to sicken me like that.

Steve, I don't think you fully comprehend my hate or views with communism and commies but this video clip with people paying their time is so hilarious. In a down to earth way, of course it isn't funny at all. But, in a different point of view, it was a good laugh. You give Russia some good competition at cruelty and hate. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm on good terms with you or Jon. I'm keeping it at being leisure with leisure talk.

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