Laughing Gas

I sense some man drama going on in my atmosphere.
I havn't experienced any extreme hate yet that I can translate.
God man, I really need to figure myself out more before some predators can catch up with me. I laugh and I don't understand why I laugh. I don't understand reactions of some people.
Right now, someone seems to be obsessing over me. I know, I'm going through another angry stage and I think I'm getting manipulated out of my anger with some things. I know my anger is insane and draws attention. But honestly, maybe I'm getting an ego, but sometimes, I take positive attention as an insult. I think some guys and people may be too foreign for me or too beefed up, or I am just an oddball that will never emotionally be understood.
Call me a party pooper. Sometimes, I really don't need or want a party. Other times, it does seem that the atmosphere is a walking death and I wouldn't mind laughing gas. But, I'm poor, I usually don't have the advantage to call the shots. It makes me wonder in my life sometimes. I really consider myself a modest person, but with different occurences, environments, and happenings, sometimes I wonder if there are men who test to see who can make me happy where I am. I wonder if there is a matrix man that really does treat me as a blind science project. I seriously do hate the scientist. I am not a project and can make choices on my own. Whether or not some men believe I want to be a sex object, what really gives me a rest and peace in relationships is commitment. Seriously. Call me old fashioned. I really need a man who is in my life on a regular basis. I'm not saying there is a particular person I want to marry. I'm just saying sometimes, I really do not like the reputation that I have. I don't like the misunderstandings. And seriously, I think the scientist is just another person being a sadist by imposing their will on me with their personal judgement of how to call the shots based on what is really their value and not mine.
Besides some man drama, some people are definitely more obvious than others, but I hate the danger of guessing games.
I did buy a very nice pair of jeans at American Eagle. I had such a refreshing and long due shopping spree today. Love shopping sprees!