Alien in Burmuda: Broken heart over a breaking heart and being a heartbreaker

Before anything, I really mean to speak in a defensive tone because even though I should not feel like the bad guy, I hate the manipulative feeling that I do. It is one of those things where a guy breaks into a person's house, the guy breaks his leg, and the guy breaking in wants to sue the person when he was the one trespassing...ahem... always going to be shaking my head because there are too many things that are just unfair. Like I don't feel like my heart can break in another light. So, I have been in a boat with captain obvious for sometime, and while I don't feel I entirely exploit him, I'm just going to look back at him and blink. He was both possessive and begging for me. He doesn't want me to leave and doesn't want me to die some natural death of a violently breaking heart... I can't and won't entirely leave him out in the cold, but when will he ever listen? I hate that I saw another severely strong sign of him as Jon. He just can't be something he hasn't already been to my face. He could have some personal history, but he is a victim of a cut throat who wants to label him as Jon. Suppose someone could have the potential of proving their cut throat with the most life threatening "told you so," threat where I should always follow them rather than my own instincts... He is a Bollywood. There are already more bullshit tabloids than any real actual drama. I have my own drama and it is said in the separate world that it is. I know I don't know where everything comes from and I don't know how much he understands how blind sided I am... Captain obvious in boat number 1; I feel more than anything you want to only keep me tested and tried and then wonder why. If I cheat, it will be nothing to treat someone else to a quick normalcy and acceptance to my face like you did nothing wrong with me from the start, but this is what I will predict of your revenge when I get burnt out and take the action to cheat. So, you have your own way of making me feel some love, but your god complex is still there. …..Now comes my crush and heartbreak, some other god complex boats are here too. What am I to do or choose with the other boats that have made me come aboard. I'm going to be single and talking alone to myself again because I am at another pointless square one because all you guys breaking in my house whose legs I am breaking will have your abandoning revenge or revenge of some other sort. Boat #2 is a new one and I think he is really sexy. I am definitely in a predicament and dilemma and don't know how to move much of a muscle. He really has me beat with a ballgag right now. I can't help but be a little more attractive to him because he has a more practical factor to him. Boat #1 you really could have done something to make yourself more practical. You could have stopped your nonsense to keep me tried tested and alone and came off your snobby self, but IT'S SUPPOSEDLY MY FAULT YOU WERE LIKE THAT AND LEFT ME ALONE. IT'S MY FAULT THAT YOU WOULD LET YOUR DOUBT, DECEPTION, AND FEAR RULE YOUR CHOICE. Boat #2 isn't entirely the most practical and I don't even know if he would make himself anymore practical than where he is now. It would be too impulsive of me to let boat #2 just win hands down. I just can't impulsively make him my most choice man like that. …. Boat #3 Here he comes again and is carried away with me for some reason. I think he is jealous where he deserves to be called my Gerald the most. He has the biggest advantage where it is most commonly accepted that the biggest breadwinner gets the biggest choice. Yeah, he has some history but come on boat 3 you know our history is not the greatest. To say anything for you, you still have my respect in some way because I still fear you in some several ways.....My heart is breaking. My heart is breaking because I feel like I can be breaking hearts to an extent. My heart breaks because I'm still in Bermuda and am still anxious as ever. I have a thing for them all but there can only be one and while I am being forced to play the game right now I would bet I am still in the most negative odds with them playing. I'll always have more sad stories to tell because enough will never be enough and like I already sang with Pink, I'm not feeling any better, I'm only feeling more ill with whatever quick fix some come along and go away boats the guys want to be with me...……. burst my bubbles