Today was alright.
I got a huge chunk off of my to do list in cleaning and organizing my room. Big project and I'm finishing the rest tomorrow. The atmosphere seems nicer already. There really isn't a whole lot new. It looks like practically every show on TV was made sometime in the fall with so many reruns. I think the today show and regular news channel are the ones that are fresh alerts on a regular basis, but I don't watch the today show currently. I still like you Al Roker, but it will be a good amount of time until I start watching the show again at my leisure.
There are always a lot of people that come and go in my life where it varies if I pay attention to them or how vital they could be. Right now, this is for the sake of communication and clarity.
I have already noticed that I am far from being on Martin O Malley's good side. Some days I wonder when he'll get some kind of hit man to rid me or just simply send someone to poison my food and kill me. It looks as if rather than finding some way to kill me, he is teaming up with a long time ex and major enemy to intimidate me and "attempt to scare me into submission?" pfft. Although Josh really has been a male model, I've always seen him as jealous, insecure, psycho stalker, and desperate. I think O Malley has already made a fool of himself and he is only making things worse when he gangs up with Josh. Rihanna really isn't one of my favorite singers, but I could definitely relate to the song: "You look so dumb right now." While I hate the idea that either of them could arrogantly take the satisfaction that their trash talking of my name has responsibility in job losses and damning me to be poor which wastes some of my time, I would assume that they probably have some responsibility in it. Still not Frieda, I'm Penelope trapped and damned to this fucked up island with a bunch of desperate hateful idiots running around every where. Keep testing me and give yourself credit. Keep lying to yourselves in your arrogant, dumbass, and desperate chauvenism that I think you are the most intelligent and superior gods to be feared to ever exist. Whether or not you remain arrogant, and I'm sure you both do, I am now going back to ignoring you. I have considered myself to be ignoring you, but you most likely are very egocentric and arrogant to think that my world revolves around you. Sometimes I have to clarify or reiterate what I say, but I mean what I say and will most likely remain unmoved and unchallenged.
Seth, hmph. Can't forget the matrix brotherhood connection now can we? Seth, I think you are convinced that I'm not that easy to convince, and I can only say so much to you in frequent times and then just not know what to say. I don't have you figured out yet. Happy Birthday regardless. I'd have to wiki you to see how old you are today. I think it's neat that our birthdays are at the same time. Mine is just in, OMG tomorrow! Ah! I don't like to think about it because sometimes it reminds me of everything that is wrong in life. I hope you are enjoying your day though. If I knew more, I could wish it worse, but I don't know what to think of you. I saw some of your other catty birthday tweets and I don't know how to take the name game or possible hints. You're being mysterious. You did cry to your mother the other day on Fallon. Do I really come across that beastly to you? lol. I'm your bully. Sometimes, I really don't care with other people. With you though, it just sounds funny that I would be your bully.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
As the Sarah turns
Not only did I miss a show today, I looked like crap. Some guys are around the least expected times. I don't think I'm always being watched 24/7 by whoever, but still, I wish I was more prepared. I'm already catching onto some things, but I will have to watch the show tmw to catch onto more things.
I am anorexic to all claims that Brian Williams may make. All of the characters with "Williams," as the last name I'm anorexic to. I like Wendy Williams and sometimes feel both awkward and confused of what her real character could be representing. I havn't looked up her real husband yet but I did take note that they have been married for 16 years. Anorexic.
If it is just Seth or the complete show that is being kind and complimenting I don't know, but I appreciated some of the warmth with the little I've picked up on. While people don't literally call me, "Frieda," it is the name that is in between the lines that I sometimes pick up on with different people that I get stranded with. This could be a time where Seth or the show just wants to lie to keep my emotions calm, but either way, I'll acknowledge the approach. I still have nothing against Selma. I think it is neat that Jeniffer Connely named one of her kids "Kai." I left that out in the conversation the other day when I was talking to Seth. It was actually going to be a girl name but I can see how it can be a boy name too. With the girl name it means: deep as the sea, but I'm not sure what it means for the boy name. I know it is a Hawaiian name for a girl, but it could be either Asian or Hawaiian for a boy. I still like the name.
I think Seth could be making his Burlusconi a little more obvious but I also percieve him as still leading me on. I feel the need to step back but at the same time, he still wants me around. I'll keep sticking with what I had said a few days ago that I'm in between leisure and paying attention to him for a reason. There is part of me that doesn't like the idea of being falsely emotionally lead on.
I have also been thinking about the other end of the spectrum of people he could be representing. This is a time where capitalism and snowflakes get difficult. I really hate the idea of comparing guys sometimes. If there is a capitalistic share, I may not feel the same way about one guy as I would another. Right now, I think there is a possibility of 5 or 6 guys that he could have shares with and I will say that I wouldn't have the same emotions for each individual as I would the actual source. I think the effort to connect and have some kind of talk or whatever is still nice, but snowflakes. snowflakes snowflakes snowflakes. With the way I've already connected with some guys, I don't want to write about them and include them in this blog. I would want it to be more personal and less exploitive for me to be one on one with them. I could always go a different leisure route and just might end up writing some things about some people, but right now, I really don't want to elaborate on most of the guys.
There is only one guy that I will. I can already tell he likes the extra attention and being in the spotlight. He is already out there in the digital world and very extroverted. Amish Jim. Besides meeting him over a weekend in person which was actually a couple of years ago, he still makes digital connections. I think he is giving some kind of apology or take back in his own way with the way he has already acted. There was already an acknowledgement about bad timing. I'm not that crazy about him. I may not have seen the full potential of his bad, but the extent I've seen of his bad runs me off. He can be really insulting and offending.
Seth gives me a different impression than Jim. I consider his snowflake to be different than Jim's snowflake. I'm going to stop with anymore comparison, but sometimes, capitalism brings itself on itself.
I wonder who the real source is of the fisherman foodstamp? I have 2 guesses on that and I got a little bit of a laugh out of it.
I can't think of anything else in today's "soap opera." Just a chill day.
I am anorexic to all claims that Brian Williams may make. All of the characters with "Williams," as the last name I'm anorexic to. I like Wendy Williams and sometimes feel both awkward and confused of what her real character could be representing. I havn't looked up her real husband yet but I did take note that they have been married for 16 years. Anorexic.
If it is just Seth or the complete show that is being kind and complimenting I don't know, but I appreciated some of the warmth with the little I've picked up on. While people don't literally call me, "Frieda," it is the name that is in between the lines that I sometimes pick up on with different people that I get stranded with. This could be a time where Seth or the show just wants to lie to keep my emotions calm, but either way, I'll acknowledge the approach. I still have nothing against Selma. I think it is neat that Jeniffer Connely named one of her kids "Kai." I left that out in the conversation the other day when I was talking to Seth. It was actually going to be a girl name but I can see how it can be a boy name too. With the girl name it means: deep as the sea, but I'm not sure what it means for the boy name. I know it is a Hawaiian name for a girl, but it could be either Asian or Hawaiian for a boy. I still like the name.
I think Seth could be making his Burlusconi a little more obvious but I also percieve him as still leading me on. I feel the need to step back but at the same time, he still wants me around. I'll keep sticking with what I had said a few days ago that I'm in between leisure and paying attention to him for a reason. There is part of me that doesn't like the idea of being falsely emotionally lead on.
I have also been thinking about the other end of the spectrum of people he could be representing. This is a time where capitalism and snowflakes get difficult. I really hate the idea of comparing guys sometimes. If there is a capitalistic share, I may not feel the same way about one guy as I would another. Right now, I think there is a possibility of 5 or 6 guys that he could have shares with and I will say that I wouldn't have the same emotions for each individual as I would the actual source. I think the effort to connect and have some kind of talk or whatever is still nice, but snowflakes. snowflakes snowflakes snowflakes. With the way I've already connected with some guys, I don't want to write about them and include them in this blog. I would want it to be more personal and less exploitive for me to be one on one with them. I could always go a different leisure route and just might end up writing some things about some people, but right now, I really don't want to elaborate on most of the guys.
There is only one guy that I will. I can already tell he likes the extra attention and being in the spotlight. He is already out there in the digital world and very extroverted. Amish Jim. Besides meeting him over a weekend in person which was actually a couple of years ago, he still makes digital connections. I think he is giving some kind of apology or take back in his own way with the way he has already acted. There was already an acknowledgement about bad timing. I'm not that crazy about him. I may not have seen the full potential of his bad, but the extent I've seen of his bad runs me off. He can be really insulting and offending.
Seth gives me a different impression than Jim. I consider his snowflake to be different than Jim's snowflake. I'm going to stop with anymore comparison, but sometimes, capitalism brings itself on itself.
I wonder who the real source is of the fisherman foodstamp? I have 2 guesses on that and I got a little bit of a laugh out of it.
I can't think of anything else in today's "soap opera." Just a chill day.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Dear Anderson
Of course you know I would like today's show. I think I will always feel a little star struck and a little off the wall when Angelina is around. I am very curious about this movie that she is making. Right now I'm a little confused with some characters and math, but I havn't even seen the movie yet to understand the previews. I'm still not over "Salt," and that movie definitely did look like there would be a sequel. I think there needs to be a book with that one. Back to "Land of Blood and Honey," like I said, it is just something I will have to wait and see. Right now, it doesn't seem like I'm on bad terms with anyone, but I can't help but be a little curious if I am being made out to be the bad man. I already feel a little like I am being connected to one of the characters. And in the entire gist of the reality of countries at war, I feel a little less isolated. I think Shane and Josh may be there. I really don't know all the details of their drama. Although Josh and I were the ones with the crazy relationship, I feel upset for Shane because he seems totally innocent of anything and I don't understand how he got involved in the drama and thrown into the torture. I don't even know what happened to Josh and I don't really care to know about a lot of his details. It was when I think it was Shane's foodstamp of: "We shouldn't have to be slaves to the past." I wonder what did he do? Josh was no more homicidal then I was if he wants to demonize me or have any feud over violence or hate. He probably has committed the most hate crimes and abuse and probably does think his demonizing beats me into being his enslaved victim. Whatever.
I don't take back what I said about Maggie or Megan. Knowing their piggishness, lies, and manipulations, they probably do have a godawful painting of me being the bad guy. I will never be subjected to their judgement. Anderson, if you are wise enough to be two sided and asking my side of the story, I might be cooperative with you. It could be characters that I don't even know about and may not even be in relation to me that much at all.
In a different perspective, it is a creative way to use an imagination with some sort of analogy with the land and drama of "Sarajevo." I really have been given death threats but there have been no literal bullets sent my way. There has been a large variety of intentional torment where I may not be the only one in that boat besides Josh and Shane. Personally, I think it goes back to a mixture of pickiness, legal structure, literary structure, and tyranny, in the laws of communication. Sometimes, the communication is either just expressed or there is some domination game going on. I like how you said something along the lines of how easily people can die by not being able to get a .25 cent vaccine to cure an illness. It isn't the literal idea of how they die, it is the idea of the desperation of the death. You get some of the gist of what I'm trying to say when I think people are being desperate. Of course a disease is different than acts of violence, but still, some people want to desperately kill or damn a person over anything. You seem like you get the gist of what I mean about people being desperate and I hope you do. Being hawkish can be a tormentor, but it goes beyond being just a hawk.
In going on some other trails of thought, I think about the idea of the role of the ambassador with other nations as a whole. I still stick with my snowflake philosophy even on this one and in this instance that it is much different for Angelina or any other celeb to be giving in that way. My honest attitude has been to have some empathy from a distance, but also a little mocking with "someone will always have it worse." I'll admit the times that I make a closer connection with someone less fortunate or just have an up close view where I have more compassion and empathy in my mind or even actions. I can only give small donations. Sometimes though, it is when the wrong person or even a random person says, "someone will always have it worse," that can really make me sick sometimes. Especially when I'm not even close to them and even choose not to disclose how bad my entire life is, it sets me off to how callously ignorant some people can be.
If I was wealthy though, I would most likely be more pressured and more genuinely compassionate. I'm not trying to ruin it for Angelina at all. I've noticed she's been in that work for a long time and I know I'm not the credentialed talk show or newsreporter either. Just opinionated.
It really was nice to see and hear from her on your show. Right now I'm in a rut where I can't remember the other things that I want to say. I can't think right now. Some thoughts may be in my mind later.
I don't take back what I said about Maggie or Megan. Knowing their piggishness, lies, and manipulations, they probably do have a godawful painting of me being the bad guy. I will never be subjected to their judgement. Anderson, if you are wise enough to be two sided and asking my side of the story, I might be cooperative with you. It could be characters that I don't even know about and may not even be in relation to me that much at all.
In a different perspective, it is a creative way to use an imagination with some sort of analogy with the land and drama of "Sarajevo." I really have been given death threats but there have been no literal bullets sent my way. There has been a large variety of intentional torment where I may not be the only one in that boat besides Josh and Shane. Personally, I think it goes back to a mixture of pickiness, legal structure, literary structure, and tyranny, in the laws of communication. Sometimes, the communication is either just expressed or there is some domination game going on. I like how you said something along the lines of how easily people can die by not being able to get a .25 cent vaccine to cure an illness. It isn't the literal idea of how they die, it is the idea of the desperation of the death. You get some of the gist of what I'm trying to say when I think people are being desperate. Of course a disease is different than acts of violence, but still, some people want to desperately kill or damn a person over anything. You seem like you get the gist of what I mean about people being desperate and I hope you do. Being hawkish can be a tormentor, but it goes beyond being just a hawk.
In going on some other trails of thought, I think about the idea of the role of the ambassador with other nations as a whole. I still stick with my snowflake philosophy even on this one and in this instance that it is much different for Angelina or any other celeb to be giving in that way. My honest attitude has been to have some empathy from a distance, but also a little mocking with "someone will always have it worse." I'll admit the times that I make a closer connection with someone less fortunate or just have an up close view where I have more compassion and empathy in my mind or even actions. I can only give small donations. Sometimes though, it is when the wrong person or even a random person says, "someone will always have it worse," that can really make me sick sometimes. Especially when I'm not even close to them and even choose not to disclose how bad my entire life is, it sets me off to how callously ignorant some people can be.
If I was wealthy though, I would most likely be more pressured and more genuinely compassionate. I'm not trying to ruin it for Angelina at all. I've noticed she's been in that work for a long time and I know I'm not the credentialed talk show or newsreporter either. Just opinionated.
It really was nice to see and hear from her on your show. Right now I'm in a rut where I can't remember the other things that I want to say. I can't think right now. Some thoughts may be in my mind later.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Random Thoughts
Another year of being poor during the holidays. I can't believe Christmas is 2 weeks from now. December is already going by quickly. Although I like to get out of the house and treat myself every once in awhile, I'm glad that plans have changed this year. My parents are not inviting anyone over, so that means I don't have to spend more money to get out of the house. I still will not be at the usual Christmas eve get together. My mother has already mentioned plans for a baby shower from the family and whenever the time comes, I will have to accept an awkward get together.........
Besides that, there are times that I think about the stars. Celebrity stars. I may not know my full history, but I did notice when my paranoia with the stars began. I have been trying to define the connections and the "whys?" with some people. Not all connections are negative and not all are positive. It seems like it is something I can only do on my own and on the other side, something that some people know to themselves from a distance. While I can't deny the differences between celebrities and non-celebrities who may or may not be wealthy, I still would never give a celebrity a god title. I think it varies with celebrities and their own egos with how they see themselves, and I'm not necessarily out to purpose my life to shoot down egos. If I made the effort, the success rate would vary too. It is more difficult in dealing with some conflicts of it all; especially when I'm the one who has the most disadvantages. Even in my more tangible world I still have my own conflicts that I feel helpless with often.
With all the conflicts, right now, I've been thinking about some of the maternal connections. I still can't explain or know for myself how in the world I made connections with some people. I definitely know through the proof of the connections that there is a bigger picture that involves a lot of people where something was seriously at stake or on the line in some way for me to have some of the connections with some people that I have. In the overall perspective of the celebrity connections whether it be maternal or not, sometimes it can be a meaningful connection and other times it makes life feel like some sort of curse in being damned in a way that I don't understand or stuck in a conspiracy or communistic life that nothing can ever be done about. Life feels communistic in a tangible way as well.
Anyway, back to some connections: Selma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, and Angelina Jolie. I wouldn't say the connections are primarily maternal and I think there are more associated connections than that. I do like them all. I love the characters they play in some of the movies. I know they are actors and have a personal life of their own that is its own different thing. My connection with them is a connection that I don't understand all of the time. Other times, I have to be silent or distant for some of the things that I know. There are plently of examples of this comparison of conflict, but this is one example that includes a pet peeve of mine "to be mothered," and some of the things that define mothering. I was very upset at the "Pink," song "Less than Perfect." Sometimes when I look at Penelope, Selma, and Angelina, I would compare it to being vulnerable to other aggressive and domineering women: "If I give you a piece of free candy, everyone is going to want a piece of free candy." Penelope seems more like a friendly association than a maternal one to me. With Selma and Angelina, I see some kind of concern from a distance. Of course their advantages can't be denied and I'm not always in a competitive mode. Sometimes, being awakened to things I am ignorant of can change that. Sometimes, I really hate being competitive and knowing they are the most impossible to be competitive with. I don't know all of their capitalism or connections and I don't feel I should be responsible for the connections they or other top capitalists make with others.
Kathy and Hoda, I think I did compare them as motherly and even friends at one time. I think they took the mother thing way too far. While I am aware of my personal family life and real mother and know there are some things I'll never know and some things where we are on bad terms; I was very upset with some of the things they said. I'm still upset at how in the world my life is the way it is and some of the things that have happened with my family and that I will most likely be the scapegoat of it all for a long time. Life feels confused and psychotically enmeshed with so much dysfunction in it all. I feel they are part of a large block to my survival but there is still a level of emotional attachment there. I'm not going any more deeper into it; my family's life was never meant to be anyone's reality show or talk show to begin with. I could have been an accidental entertainer, but not purposed to entertain or for others to be exploited. I am not responsible for how things began and some of the exploits that were made.
...................................
I'm still going for entreprenuership. The challenge of it all seems to get bigger the more I get into it. It will be years before I take the complete leap. I'm going to stick with crafting for now and looking for work wherever I can. I have new craft ideas and have no other choice but to find and make cheaper stuff to sell and lower prices. Have to do what I have to do. Ebay is killing me with no sales. I'll still come around to making more detailed and challenging crafts, but I'm also set on making money besides creating work to impress.
I don't have a lot of other thoughts right now. I'm in a lazier mode. Another reminder is that I'm anorexic to marriage claims. If it is BS or not is not the complete part of the matter, but the other part is my own free will and life. Too big of a choice to soon and too many gaps.
Besides that, there are times that I think about the stars. Celebrity stars. I may not know my full history, but I did notice when my paranoia with the stars began. I have been trying to define the connections and the "whys?" with some people. Not all connections are negative and not all are positive. It seems like it is something I can only do on my own and on the other side, something that some people know to themselves from a distance. While I can't deny the differences between celebrities and non-celebrities who may or may not be wealthy, I still would never give a celebrity a god title. I think it varies with celebrities and their own egos with how they see themselves, and I'm not necessarily out to purpose my life to shoot down egos. If I made the effort, the success rate would vary too. It is more difficult in dealing with some conflicts of it all; especially when I'm the one who has the most disadvantages. Even in my more tangible world I still have my own conflicts that I feel helpless with often.
With all the conflicts, right now, I've been thinking about some of the maternal connections. I still can't explain or know for myself how in the world I made connections with some people. I definitely know through the proof of the connections that there is a bigger picture that involves a lot of people where something was seriously at stake or on the line in some way for me to have some of the connections with some people that I have. In the overall perspective of the celebrity connections whether it be maternal or not, sometimes it can be a meaningful connection and other times it makes life feel like some sort of curse in being damned in a way that I don't understand or stuck in a conspiracy or communistic life that nothing can ever be done about. Life feels communistic in a tangible way as well.
Anyway, back to some connections: Selma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, and Angelina Jolie. I wouldn't say the connections are primarily maternal and I think there are more associated connections than that. I do like them all. I love the characters they play in some of the movies. I know they are actors and have a personal life of their own that is its own different thing. My connection with them is a connection that I don't understand all of the time. Other times, I have to be silent or distant for some of the things that I know. There are plently of examples of this comparison of conflict, but this is one example that includes a pet peeve of mine "to be mothered," and some of the things that define mothering. I was very upset at the "Pink," song "Less than Perfect." Sometimes when I look at Penelope, Selma, and Angelina, I would compare it to being vulnerable to other aggressive and domineering women: "If I give you a piece of free candy, everyone is going to want a piece of free candy." Penelope seems more like a friendly association than a maternal one to me. With Selma and Angelina, I see some kind of concern from a distance. Of course their advantages can't be denied and I'm not always in a competitive mode. Sometimes, being awakened to things I am ignorant of can change that. Sometimes, I really hate being competitive and knowing they are the most impossible to be competitive with. I don't know all of their capitalism or connections and I don't feel I should be responsible for the connections they or other top capitalists make with others.
Kathy and Hoda, I think I did compare them as motherly and even friends at one time. I think they took the mother thing way too far. While I am aware of my personal family life and real mother and know there are some things I'll never know and some things where we are on bad terms; I was very upset with some of the things they said. I'm still upset at how in the world my life is the way it is and some of the things that have happened with my family and that I will most likely be the scapegoat of it all for a long time. Life feels confused and psychotically enmeshed with so much dysfunction in it all. I feel they are part of a large block to my survival but there is still a level of emotional attachment there. I'm not going any more deeper into it; my family's life was never meant to be anyone's reality show or talk show to begin with. I could have been an accidental entertainer, but not purposed to entertain or for others to be exploited. I am not responsible for how things began and some of the exploits that were made.
...................................
I'm still going for entreprenuership. The challenge of it all seems to get bigger the more I get into it. It will be years before I take the complete leap. I'm going to stick with crafting for now and looking for work wherever I can. I have new craft ideas and have no other choice but to find and make cheaper stuff to sell and lower prices. Have to do what I have to do. Ebay is killing me with no sales. I'll still come around to making more detailed and challenging crafts, but I'm also set on making money besides creating work to impress.
I don't have a lot of other thoughts right now. I'm in a lazier mode. Another reminder is that I'm anorexic to marriage claims. If it is BS or not is not the complete part of the matter, but the other part is my own free will and life. Too big of a choice to soon and too many gaps.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Dear Seth
Seth
hmmmm. This is a game that is hard to play around with. Most of the time, I get very competively technical, and I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say. I'll just say you bit some shyness in me.......mean vampire....
There are still some thoughts in my head with the complete picture that I will eventually elaborate on where I may not get an answer or come to a conclusion.
There was again some things on the show that I'm not sure of the story or characters. A little confusion.
Stephon. he worded something like "You look like you're the creation of 2 gay scientisists." That was so funny and not in a way where I mean it to offend you in any way. I don't completely get the gist of his character. I don't get the club scenes or what his role is in talking about the people or the clubs or what is being said about Stephon's personality.
Some other random thoughts and questions? Is Stephanie Meyers your sister? In brainstorming other thoughts, do you see me as a blond stereotype? as your sister? a blond that I don't know? or a comparison to Chelsea Handler?
This goes back to the question of Burlusconi and Whitney Houston. You're gaming right now is a little difficult to decipher and I wonder of the option if I am the one being waited on to make up my mind and have it set on something.
I can speak the thoughts on my mind, but I can't say much else at this point.
hmmmm. This is a game that is hard to play around with. Most of the time, I get very competively technical, and I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say. I'll just say you bit some shyness in me.......mean vampire....
There are still some thoughts in my head with the complete picture that I will eventually elaborate on where I may not get an answer or come to a conclusion.
There was again some things on the show that I'm not sure of the story or characters. A little confusion.
Stephon. he worded something like "You look like you're the creation of 2 gay scientisists." That was so funny and not in a way where I mean it to offend you in any way. I don't completely get the gist of his character. I don't get the club scenes or what his role is in talking about the people or the clubs or what is being said about Stephon's personality.
Some other random thoughts and questions? Is Stephanie Meyers your sister? In brainstorming other thoughts, do you see me as a blond stereotype? as your sister? a blond that I don't know? or a comparison to Chelsea Handler?
This goes back to the question of Burlusconi and Whitney Houston. You're gaming right now is a little difficult to decipher and I wonder of the option if I am the one being waited on to make up my mind and have it set on something.
I can speak the thoughts on my mind, but I can't say much else at this point.
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