Random Thoughts

It has been both a good week and a bad week. I have a new job that I will be working very soon. It is a major big deal for me. I am mostly looking forward to it. I'm guessing it was a good thing that I have had no management experience in the past as I will be doing a 1 to 2 year training course in management. My new job will be with a consulting company where business has been my career interest for quite some time. While I won't talk about all of the few setbacks that there are, I have some things to whine about either way. This is a serious type of new job. One positive thing about the professionalism is dressing up and I like to wear more dressy attire when I work. Maybe it is the thrill of fashion although I can't afford to go all out in fashion. I like to dress up though. Anyway, about the serious type of job: taking time off. I won't be able to take anytime off for a good long time. The job is broken down into training segments where it is straight constant work all of the way through. I can personally live without having any vacation, but poor little Mitzi will not be happy about it. We will have to have occasional one day splurges as I work 6 days per week. I work a lot of hours now, but the flexibility of the time factor is not the same at all. I will be making more as I get going but won't be off with the most wealthiest start. I'm still going to have to work around the clock when I start out. ..... I get to get a severance pay from my last job which is a good thing. It's not a seriously large cut check but it is a serious plus. I'm not happy to be losing my insurance again, but will have to work something out independently with the state...... Parenting problems.. for my sake of venting and bitching..... I don't tell my child "no," over every demand, neither do I never say "no." I do not overindulge or keep my child extremely spoiled at all. Yet, she has these most raging, screaming, and out of control fits when things don't go her way. It's like no one has ever told her "no." You'd think someone got shot to her face or something, but she is throwing her worst tantrum in having to get her way. Not only can she be a spoiled brat, but I hate to have to say she is my Pamela Jr. She picks fights with me and provokes me on purpose for whatever her reasons are. She just doesn't quit with me sometimes. She wants to fight; she wants me to play the bad guy while she continues of with her childish, mean, and unfair manipulations. She has given me a lot of reasons to be upset but she has been such a disobedient and disrespectful tantrum throwing child. .......vent done. next vent: I wish I had a husband and father to help me out a little bit. It is not always easy to be a single mom; it's just not easy. Sometimes it is simply: I haven't had the time, I haven't found the right one and although I've never been married to be divorced and never officially divorced through all of the Bollywood bullshit, it hurts me to know I know I'm still not loved or cared for enough. Why would any of the bollywoods have ever led me on some of the ways that they do and just not be in it for the long haul? I'm very all or nothing sometimes and while some would argue that some love is better than no love at all, I'm still left with knowing enough was never enough with some men. I'm not always the one who has only been rejected and know I've rejected too. I had no other choice to be rejecting with the unfairness and terrible chances some men gave. How could some men expect so much from me with what their actual give and takes are? I never meant to go into so much of a dramatic rant over parenting and men. I need a man who knows what it means to be serious with me. I need a man who knows what it means to make me his foremost focus. I still have a thing for Travis, and I don't mean to make him feel too trashed, but I think he is going to stay just another Bollywood. I don't have a backwards proposal; I guess I mean to run him off unless he is more convincing that he could ever be anything more than just another Bollywood. I don't want to be reminded of the way enough is never enough.