Random Thoughts and Frustrations

This month has been one frustrating month. I'm still not in the regular routine of things, so it is a good and bad thing to know I'm not in my most normal daily routine way of life. It matters to me the way my time is spent. I am already frustrated today because I've hardly had any time to spend. I'm grateful I have a job and can get my hours in, but it's just frustrating to not have enough free time and be constantly busy and on the go. I'm still not completely moved in. I thought I would have the time to at least construct an end table together tonight, but I just don't think I'll have the patience or time for it. I think I'll knit instead after writing this blog. I won't feel like shit as much this week because I finally was able to do something with Mitzi yesterday. We went to this complex's pool for the first time on the first day of the next month after the move in. This is the second time since the move so far that we've been able to do a simple thing as swimming. I will probably plan to do something with her Friday too. The other thing I don't have time for is exercise. There are a couple of ways I feel a little gross, but the fact that I havn't had the time to exercise makes me feel grosser. When I don't have the time; I just don't, but I feel like crap anyway........ The only thing I'm going to say with my drama right now is that I'm just too scatter-brained to get anything. Why is it always such a threat to be or feel "cornered," when all a person has to do is make a choice and mean it without being a control freak? Why has the art of the perfection been lost? I know I have some hard opinions with some men and a hard and painful experience and bias of the truth of their objective, but why can't I get a break? Why won't the most dead giveaway of a controlling totalitarian man get smacked around and jack-hammered? I guess I am going back into "fight night," but it is still kind of expired with Mike. He should have known how much I've hated the stockholmings, harassments, and controlfreaks that I've experienced and UNDERSTOOD THAT NOBODY HAS EVER WON WITH THEIR TOTALITARIANISM BUT IT IS LIKE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE MOST WILLING LOSER TO ANYONE. FUCKING DUMB AND DEAF GANGBANGERS. I can't help that Mike was being guilty by association with Ashton, Brandon, Bree Ann, and Stacy. I know not all lies were put on him. Well there is your fight night Mike, you want to duke out the dumb and deaf gangbanger I think you are, I might need a little more fighting Viagra to care and literally put up my Dukes and get into it with you. Thinking about serious lustful thoughts with you one minute and letting myself lose it the next minute. Being so scatter-brained, uncertain, AND A LITTLE OVER-TESTED KNOWING YOU'RE NOT FORMALLY LETTING ME IN IS SOME KIND OF CLUE TO ME. YOU MAKE ME KEEP BANGING ON YOUR WALLS MIKE.