As the Sarah Turns

I think I will save the Mike for last. While A-Rod obviously has a girlfriend, I wonder if he is making a real pass at me or has some crazy share with James Comey. While A-Rod has never personally been violent with me; sometimes it is the thought that counts, but actions speak louder than words. A-Rod, I will make some crazy basement slave rape out of you with an addition of date rape if you don't step back. With Comey, crime and punishment is what he lived for. He can't put a hooker label on me but he can put a partial adultery label on. I still don't know what to say to him....... I have noticed Jared around in some ways. I think he was the one who "bought the Flintstone house." In a figurative way and however it is supposed to be taken? Although Jared has already failed me in a few ways, I would believe him to be the most protective and just might care about keeping something about my truth protected...... Mike and the Pens..... I seriously don't know Mike or the others enough to know how to take them. I really don't know how to take them. I think I see a sign or two with them or outside of them, but still have some uncertainties. Because there is still a shadiness to Mike, I have to have my times of quietness or hesitance. As much as I enjoy the fantasies and affection of him, I still put myself before him. Yes Mike, I am putting my pussy on the pedastool in a lot of ways. I am paranoid of some gossip, but just don't know what all of the talk is or what any of it could be getting at. Mike seriously could be doing his every day/year routine with the hockey camp, but I wonder if he is making a pass: "I love kids." I have a little but of a laugh, but he doesn't let me in enough. Mike is still not here and neither are the rest. I know that it is still Mike and the Pens looking at me and me looking at the Pens, but I am made to stay in wonder more. I may eventually have more of my own two cents and gossip, but for now, I keep my pussy on a pedastool. ..............

Vacationing and Other Thoughts

I am having my highs and lows this week. Other than spending a lot of personal time with my daughter (where I have my other "mood swings,") my best high was being approved for my first choice apartment. I was mostly expecting it, but I had some anxiety because I have had a little bit of a bumpy financial past. I had 3 main apartments to choose from, but I had to pick this one because it is the most convenient. I really liked the amount of space and interior a little better at the other two apartments, but they didn't have as much of a convenience as the one that I chose. I'm so excited. I have been wanting to get out of Cumberland and my parent's home for a long time. While I have a load of stresses to gain; I have a bigger load of stresses to lose. It is a main goal that I will finally be able to achieve. I will eventually be able to think about getting to my points B,C, and D soon, and I'm sad because I feel I should have made it further in life by now. I probably will have a low key job for the rest of my life, but there is still the thought of stay-at-home online work and possibly owning my own business. I'm sure I will still have more options ahead, and there should especially be more job opportunities in Pittsburgh. I could see myself stay at my merchandising job a year or more and hoping that there will be a full-time opening. If not, I will probably be doing the same work drill. Points B,C, and D will eventually be bridges I can cross. I just found this out today, and can't help but rant more about it and my future a little more. It is such a big deal. I have other moving priorities to work out, but now I have got to chill in the vacation time that I have. I've spent more money than what I wanted to spend, but IT IS VACATION. I got my crab legs and have had a lot of other fun. I'm so upset over the weather though. It was cold today and nobody was even at an outdoor pool and especially not at the beach. There is supposed to be some kind of coastal flood tomorrow where there is a high tide and strong current, so especially no swimming tomorrow. We are leaving Friday, and I'm hoping the current won't be strong that day. I want to swim on the beach anyway (checkout is at 10:00am!) but we won't have the convenience of the hotel when we are done. The boardwalk along the beach at least has a place to spray the sand off, and I'm sure the hotel won't mind if we use their bathroom lobby. I've made sure to not feel like the vacation has felt too wasted. We have done a lot to keep ourselves entertained and I think Mitzi likes the indoor pool better than the outdoor pool and the beach but she probably likes the outdoor pool the best. We could get a hotel to swim in an indoor pool anytime, but we still at least have all the free time to do whatever the hell we damn well please. (Her virgin ears are very covered now). We are on the beach only 2 days of 5 because the weather is that bad. There was a really bad accident along the way that kept traffic jammed for at least an hour. There were definitely injuries and possibly a death. I'm just saying things could always be worse and I hope we have God's protection on the ride home too. She had a blast at the trampoline park today with the foam pit and I think there might be a trampoline park in Pittsburgh too that I have yet to check out, but I'm so glad that Pittsburgh has one too. So many different things racing through my mind right now...........Man drama: not sure about everything that is going on with that either but try to take it easy and always knowing there could be something to stress over. Like there is nothing to stress over now. taking it easy in whatever way I can. Right now, I have a lot of different things going on and distractions that keep my mind off of it some, but do I want to fall through more cracks because I don't have the time or full focus? I could always be better off without another Rae Rae or made to feel like a CoCo Channel, but I still wonder............