You're the Boss

Overkilled and torn to pieces. .... I know you're giving me a hint to a jealous episode of yours. I seriously don't think you need any more revenge or wrath. That was a big overkill. If we are done; we are done. I find it to be very disturbing that you would want to keep me "challenged" with Rob Lowe. You really think I would ever beg or compete with that juggernaut? I'm upset that the worst was brought out in you in your own juggernaut overkill... While I won't go into a lengthy competitive detail with who was being more of a bad guy around the time that I had all those VIPs in one night with that Jersey dude; I'm pretty sure you were the one who was cheating on me hard with Gillian at the time. I also took the Jersey dude as someone who could resemble you some, but I didn't think too much over credibility of the issue. I know my grinding truth for what it was and won't go into more detail with the way I was partially making out with him. I never chased him or pursued him to want to be in a relationship with him. ........... Your overkill is too much for me. If we're done, I'm still walking away and waiting for the rest of the relationship to die off. I'm not meaning to work on us too much. I have my own way of making my communications clear. Before I was reminded of the hint of a small cheat, I was going to say something along of the lines: that's what I get for being the sexually jealous and straight type. I think it was too much of an overkill. Your juggernaut approach and recent persistent other threat with Rob Lowe is another severe low blow, and couldn't make me want to do anything other than waiting for the relationship to die off. ...slave slave slave: "that's what I get...," was what I was going to say along those lines yesterday. ... I'm mostly in a continued listlessness. It looks like they (whoever they is today) wants to make Jon your scapegoat. Maybe it was Jon who intentionally led you on to me to keep me gang raped because he knows you're the murderous juggernaut type. It could have been just your jealousy, but you have such a violent wrath in your jealousy and you disgust me to be such an Ike Turner juggernaut like that. I don't know if you have seen those "comedy style" videos of "The JUggarnaut" who is a full fledged abusing and womanizing chauvinist, but they are out there somewhere. I haven't recently looked them up. I know I'm not completely "set free," and know you're still here and around. You seem to be indecisive in being done with the relationship or not. As a captive or slave, I am your captive. You are the boss. I can only wait you out. ......If I were to give myself more of an opinionated voice, I've always seen cheating relationships in their own ruin. I really like the O.A.R. song "hold on true." I think cheating is the devil and ruin in so many ways, yet it is such a common and normalized problem amongst many couples and the issue is overlooked. The thought of having trust in the relationship is such a foiled, trashed, and ruined value that is next to impossible to obtain. It is a big deal to want to be with someone you could trust. I've never wanted to be the doormat or desperate for a man I feel I could never trust. While some women do seriously lower their standard and bar to not care and to remain desperate anyway, I have never been a self-willed and choosing to be that way woman. Modern day relationships are terrible and have yet to be more reasonable, more trusting, and better. With some extreme and vindictive men: "it is what I get" to have been a slut or in becoming a stripper. I'm not denying your vindictiveness, but I know I know better against cheating relationships. And you should especially know that I know you're not clean and innocent. ....... You're the boss, I can only wait you out.

shaking my head

Who's my daddy? Everything is really just all fun and games and there is no harm intended from you in this instance. Ok, I will have to buy the face value statement. ... I'm still not liking the look of things overall. While there is still a lot of negative things and my pessimism, you seem to want to have another fresh approach. ... Do you really feel I have swept you off your feet? Maybe a lot of it is you don't like the fighting and lack of peacefulness either, but reliving the same nightmare and same story isn't going to make things better. It isn't that I want to intentionally cheat and bomb you in a patterned way on my end. I still don't see myself as the number 1 bad man between the both of us. How much of a Hank Moody would you personally consider yourself? I think Pamela is a likeable character and without meaning to trash talk her; I would be suspicious that you and her probably have had a thing going on and could even be presently have something going on. While you may want to come off in a friendly and peaceful way; I really think this could be another trick rolled up your sleeve with your intention to lead me on to hurt me. You know I like Lenny. You've grown to become a gamester terrorist and I am bothered by the way you want to sucker me in to hurt me and just don't want to drop it and leave me alone. It could be that I'm too pessimistic, but you've already given me a lot of reasons as to why I should be more of a pessimist. When there are a lot of negative things that have already gone on and keep going on and my pessimism is still there, it is hard to fuel a fire to a relationship. I want to love and feel loved and return and know that you would want my love, but some cat and mouse games don't always match the criteria. I can't stand the heartache in the cat and mouse game. I'm probably not the only puppy (who is still not entirely a puppy) you have come across, and you probably have other women you still want to play me with. I feel damaged and will probably feel more damaged if I were to sucker myself in and stay. I'm around and here in my own way, but I don't have the strength or emotional want to get my hopes up. I just don't want to get my hopes up and throw myself back in your game. It's painful and I think you're asking too much in wanting me to be your fool. I'm around and here in some ways but I am keeping my stance that I have given up on you. I'm not going to be looking around for other options of men for awhile; you know I refuse to be a lesbian.