Despite your asshole "Rent," remark, I'm going to sit down and talk anyway. I did catch up on the clips of the Today Show. Of course I did not watch every clip but the ones with Palin.....What I really think..... In continuing to push Brian Williams aside, I think the show itself as a show looks more committed than anything. Of course not in marriage terms, but they seem to have some kind of commitment. I don't take them at face value and see it more as a front where there could be several hidden agendas: They may want to be the ones to say where I can't handle the truth (I don't know if that is the only agenda they are out to prove). In a less cynical view, they could value me as a person and want to make the effort and work in trying to get along with me, wanting to mend the abstract relationship, and forget about everything and be friends again. I did and didn't entirely get the concept of the wolf trap. It is even a more abstract relationship at this point where they may be wanting to have the same agenda again. I really do not know what is going on with the today show and why you and they are making efforts for me to pay attention to again.
I know the worst has happened with you and you have the potential to break my heart more; but as I've said so many times, I'm not an objective thing. Just because I may make connections with you again doesn't mean I'm going to be that way with everyone. Not just you and the Today Show, but everyone. It is indescribable with and in the ways I've been offended and I still have yet to make sense of everything. I'm sure some of the same issues of being taken advantage of, control issues, and jobs of tyranny are going to come up again. I just don't want my life to be like it was those couple of years. I'm sick of financial instability. In the Today Show, although they have many great skills and quality that even involves relationships with people, I still am at odds against the socialist structure and control. I have wanted my life to be different.
Of course you know I still don't get everything. I did think it was nice of them to come off as nice and kind. I really don't know what the deal is with Matt Lauer and why he would be provoking me with "permission." I would assume it could be an eye for an eye, but besides the idea is the reality that I'm not even the one who is controlling Palin. It could be more seen as words being put in my mouth just so people can be BSing around with more gossip about me. Speaking of putting words in my mouth, I really don't know who it is this time. Maybe despite the things I've said to Brian, he is the one who is writing the script to try to keep me alive and being the bigger person. I really don't know how the system works.
Another instance was with Tori Spelling. I really don't know who she could be representing. With the high school pictures of 90201 I think she looks like Jade a little. I was never close to her but we went to church together and were in different high schools. Because of the Brie cheese, she could be Bree Ann M. but I really don't know who Tori could be in my world. Maybe she is just representing herself in her real stardom. So, I do have my guesses. With Jade, it is ok to be making friendly efforts with me. I've never had anything against her, I don't know if she has ever seriously done anything against me, and I think it is simply kind to want to make efforts of friendship. As for Bree Ann, she is one of the women that I think you could be with and that I still don't know and especially don't trust well. I may eventually find more info on her and have a later say; I did have a hunch she could be one of your crackhead gangster fellows, but we're all trying to be professional right now aren't we? Besides putting words in my mouth on my end, I'm not on good terms and I don't want the friendship. I also see how I'm made to be provoking with her when condescending her with "my long experienced motherhood of having 5 children from 4 to 23." Not only do I hate the provoking set up, but I also hate that someone is already putting my motherhood into competition. You've already been rude enough with Mitzi and I don't need your rudeness anymore. You take your slaving too far when you constantly make me the ball to your ball games. You're an asshole that is ridiculously and far out demanding. I don't know. Like I said, I don't get the system and when it comes to responsibility, I could be off on my assumptions. I only have so much to work with when trying to figure out a picture.
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