What a week. exhausted. not a whole lot to say. short and whatever.
My last Dr's appt upped my anxiety to be off the charts. My nest is officially ready. There will always be something more to do for the baby, but my nest is ready. What I was saying though is that the Dr said the baby could come any day now. It is in the grey area of the due date which is 2 weeks prior and past of the due date. It was scary and surprising to hear I am already in the zone of it being normal for my water to break at any time. I definitely feel I could bust sometimes, but it is just surprising. I also had news that my regular Dr wasn't going to be there and is going out of town but the office has a couple of other Dr's that I have been acquainted with. I'm having a hard time understanding why she would bail at the last minute but I'm sure I'll be ok with the other Dr's.
Besides already feeling busy and exhausted, I feel like I'm going to go through a book reading mode again. There are just sometimes that I feel like reading more than others and this is one of those times. just random talk. I'll probably be too busy but eventually get around to it.
I can't interpret or decipher what is completely going through social media right now. There is a lot of confusion and I'm not sure what to believe. If there was a hunch I was supposed to believe; it is another piece of info that is shocking and difficult to get through to myself. I don't want to know but then there is the pressure to believe something which puts me in a position where I should be embarassed. I really am lost and am not getting or understanding anything.
Nothing much else. Typical weekend with typical things I do that is alright.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
thoughts
There is so much that makes no sense right now. I don't get anything. I don't understand anything. I know I've said it before, but today is a day to say it anyway.
There are some thoughts that I keep to myself and other thoughts where a said response is just going to be delayed for the time...
Besides foggy drama is other stuff in life. I finished one of my bags that I was working on and it has made the rest of my day crappy. It is a flop, a failure. It was a summer market bag gone aqua seaweed pile. Perfect yarn on sale that still was pricey. With a bag like that, I should have used a cheaper, experimental yarn. I have had this artist frustration before when something doesn't turn out right. I just hate the waste that it is and with life already crappy enough, me having to deal with a small fail. I think I'm going to try again. I had already caught on to one mistake I had made, but besides just that mistake, I think I am going to make my own revisions to design the bag. It may be another flop and fail but this time I will be using a cheaper, experimental yarn. I am so upset though that this did not work out, especially with that yarn.
I am of some relief that I got a lot done on my to do list. Some tasks still stressful in themselves and if the specific stalker in mind I'm thinking of covers that too, I am afraid of his consequences. I just don't know how to not do or say some of the stuff I do. There are still a lot of things that aren't very clear right now.
The weather has been crazy this season and season coming up. I turned on the air conditioner twice today and another negative part to the day was discovering that the car's air conditioner isn't even working. I am already dreading the summer and not sure what Mitzie and I are going to have to do without an air conditioner. Maybe my parents will pay to get it fixed. I hope they do. There were a few odd ball random days in the winter too that were warm. Today felt like a summer day though.
So much to think about that it isn't funny.............going back to quiet mode.....
There are some thoughts that I keep to myself and other thoughts where a said response is just going to be delayed for the time...
Besides foggy drama is other stuff in life. I finished one of my bags that I was working on and it has made the rest of my day crappy. It is a flop, a failure. It was a summer market bag gone aqua seaweed pile. Perfect yarn on sale that still was pricey. With a bag like that, I should have used a cheaper, experimental yarn. I have had this artist frustration before when something doesn't turn out right. I just hate the waste that it is and with life already crappy enough, me having to deal with a small fail. I think I'm going to try again. I had already caught on to one mistake I had made, but besides just that mistake, I think I am going to make my own revisions to design the bag. It may be another flop and fail but this time I will be using a cheaper, experimental yarn. I am so upset though that this did not work out, especially with that yarn.
I am of some relief that I got a lot done on my to do list. Some tasks still stressful in themselves and if the specific stalker in mind I'm thinking of covers that too, I am afraid of his consequences. I just don't know how to not do or say some of the stuff I do. There are still a lot of things that aren't very clear right now.
The weather has been crazy this season and season coming up. I turned on the air conditioner twice today and another negative part to the day was discovering that the car's air conditioner isn't even working. I am already dreading the summer and not sure what Mitzie and I are going to have to do without an air conditioner. Maybe my parents will pay to get it fixed. I hope they do. There were a few odd ball random days in the winter too that were warm. Today felt like a summer day though.
So much to think about that it isn't funny.............going back to quiet mode.....
Friday, March 2, 2012
Dear Jon
Where do I begin?
I went to Niner's today. The food was pretty good. It was mostly a burger joint and while it isn't a huge franchise or anything, I could compare it to a Red Robin. One of the burgers did have an egg with it. The other burgers were more creative and out of the box compared to other burger joints. I kind of just smiled at the manager who I recognized when the place was a bar in a smaller building. Some matrix people, I just don't know how to really look at them. The other new place, "Uncle Jacks," is pretty good too. They have burgers, but their plus is a larger menu. I've already tried a lot of things that were on the menu because it is in a connection to another local restaurant. Still good. The new Niners building looks like a place you can dance which I won't be out doing for awhile. Long live Jersey Shore! ahahhaahhaha Another hunch I have is that you like role playing a few of the characters. I originally thought it was Vinny and "The Situation," that you had shares with, but I'm not too sure about the role play. I should have let loose more and been a little more aggressive with the farmer guys that were in the matrix a couple of years ago.
I also watched the movie "Hugo," yesterday. Is the toymaker supposed to be a model of Putin? I still don't understand why you and Sacha went psycho over it. I don't understand what the psychotic rage was all about. ~If I were to have a boy and name him Hugo, than I would have been dead and without a story immediately after the baby was born.~ I really don't remember what else was said. Probably more mean criticism about my small boobs. I really do like the name Hugo though. After that movie, I don't know if I should feel personally threatened if what would happen if I gave a boy baby the name "Hugo." The movie was ok. Not one of my favorites.
Gossip with my mom........ I take what you said about her more about the gist of how she is more than the topic she was talking about. There are times where I have been immunely cold and other times where I'm upset with my family situation as a whole. It is embarassing with my mom to be like that and I'm actually surprised that she watches your show on a regular basis. I really havn't been paying a lot of attention to my mom or dad in the matrix. I write them off often. Maybe my mom has actually been upset for me with the drama that has happened with you and I and that is why she is acting like that. She usually does undermine. Maybe you purposefully scapegoat me with a lot of underminding from people because my mom may possibly be harassing you. I can't see the entire picture to the drama, I can just tell that you're bothered with my mom. Do I agree with my mom that you are the devil that she makes you out to be? Yes, but my personality is much different than my moms.
I can't tell if you're being seriously agreeable that I'm your slave or if you are mocking me. With the way you present it, of course it is funny and gets a laugh out of me. There are sometimes where it isn't funny at all. But I really do see you and some other people as real tyrants who damn my life.
There were other times on your show this week where I didn't really know how to take you. You make comments about people and things where I feel I have to know them and their detailed information to catch on to what you may be trying to say. Besides a few laughs last night, most of this week really has been tough and painful. I still think you're being too severe.
I've seen a few other signs about marriage and proposals and I don't take it seriously or believe you seriously want to marry me. If you were serious; I really wouldn't understand you or how you would want it to work? I'm not even going to brainstorm because I don't take it seriously.
I'm also confused with you in the matrix again because you make it sound like you are responsible for knocking me up. You are either speaking for the father, or running away with your imagination in a way that I don't get.
Pill Bill. Pastor Bill S. from Oklahoma? Yes and no. It really was all figurative speech and amongst the rest of the list of people who get possessive and take too much control, he is on there with them. Besides being possessive and controlling, I remember him being violent. From a biker church next to an indian reservation it could be expected. Bad memories and good memories. I just don't want to deal with any more possessiveness and controllingness from him or anyone.
In your case, I'm trying to be your whipped slave as best as I can because of how things are going now. I know I'm coming off as friendly in this letter, but some things really don't make sense to me.
I went to Niner's today. The food was pretty good. It was mostly a burger joint and while it isn't a huge franchise or anything, I could compare it to a Red Robin. One of the burgers did have an egg with it. The other burgers were more creative and out of the box compared to other burger joints. I kind of just smiled at the manager who I recognized when the place was a bar in a smaller building. Some matrix people, I just don't know how to really look at them. The other new place, "Uncle Jacks," is pretty good too. They have burgers, but their plus is a larger menu. I've already tried a lot of things that were on the menu because it is in a connection to another local restaurant. Still good. The new Niners building looks like a place you can dance which I won't be out doing for awhile. Long live Jersey Shore! ahahhaahhaha Another hunch I have is that you like role playing a few of the characters. I originally thought it was Vinny and "The Situation," that you had shares with, but I'm not too sure about the role play. I should have let loose more and been a little more aggressive with the farmer guys that were in the matrix a couple of years ago.
I also watched the movie "Hugo," yesterday. Is the toymaker supposed to be a model of Putin? I still don't understand why you and Sacha went psycho over it. I don't understand what the psychotic rage was all about. ~If I were to have a boy and name him Hugo, than I would have been dead and without a story immediately after the baby was born.~ I really don't remember what else was said. Probably more mean criticism about my small boobs. I really do like the name Hugo though. After that movie, I don't know if I should feel personally threatened if what would happen if I gave a boy baby the name "Hugo." The movie was ok. Not one of my favorites.
Gossip with my mom........ I take what you said about her more about the gist of how she is more than the topic she was talking about. There are times where I have been immunely cold and other times where I'm upset with my family situation as a whole. It is embarassing with my mom to be like that and I'm actually surprised that she watches your show on a regular basis. I really havn't been paying a lot of attention to my mom or dad in the matrix. I write them off often. Maybe my mom has actually been upset for me with the drama that has happened with you and I and that is why she is acting like that. She usually does undermine. Maybe you purposefully scapegoat me with a lot of underminding from people because my mom may possibly be harassing you. I can't see the entire picture to the drama, I can just tell that you're bothered with my mom. Do I agree with my mom that you are the devil that she makes you out to be? Yes, but my personality is much different than my moms.
I can't tell if you're being seriously agreeable that I'm your slave or if you are mocking me. With the way you present it, of course it is funny and gets a laugh out of me. There are sometimes where it isn't funny at all. But I really do see you and some other people as real tyrants who damn my life.
There were other times on your show this week where I didn't really know how to take you. You make comments about people and things where I feel I have to know them and their detailed information to catch on to what you may be trying to say. Besides a few laughs last night, most of this week really has been tough and painful. I still think you're being too severe.
I've seen a few other signs about marriage and proposals and I don't take it seriously or believe you seriously want to marry me. If you were serious; I really wouldn't understand you or how you would want it to work? I'm not even going to brainstorm because I don't take it seriously.
I'm also confused with you in the matrix again because you make it sound like you are responsible for knocking me up. You are either speaking for the father, or running away with your imagination in a way that I don't get.
Pill Bill. Pastor Bill S. from Oklahoma? Yes and no. It really was all figurative speech and amongst the rest of the list of people who get possessive and take too much control, he is on there with them. Besides being possessive and controlling, I remember him being violent. From a biker church next to an indian reservation it could be expected. Bad memories and good memories. I just don't want to deal with any more possessiveness and controllingness from him or anyone.
In your case, I'm trying to be your whipped slave as best as I can because of how things are going now. I know I'm coming off as friendly in this letter, but some things really don't make sense to me.
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