ABC's with the Big Bob D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXwYJyrKK5A "What You Know" Two Door Cinema Club "I don't want to be alone," IT DEPENDS. And, Sometimes is the key word for now. Bob, it is most nice of you to notice that I'm not with anyone. I could question if you are being a real white knight right now for the way people lie and the wrongful and inadequate ways people want to give themselves the credit. Bob, there have been times before where I have already cried over the incomparable betrayed person I am, but in years passing, I could cry that much harder for the incomparable wronged and betrayed victim I am. I've already seen the desperate way people would lie or set me up to fail on purpose so we could be "comparable" Damn the karma of it all. If I could say another nice thing about you compared to other men: Although you personally don't take no for an answer, you are not a violent pest about it. Although it is still easy to accuse you of being a tyrant, you're not as bad as other Qadaffi's out there. Jon has never given up on his violent subjective betrayal harassment. He has never given up on it in the worst way. I know we look questionable sometimes, and I know his dark motives of wanting to trick me to torture me that much harder as if I have given in to being his concubine or conquest with another woman, but I've always known what my truth is. I wish people would see Jon for the desperate, immature, and violent pest that he is sometimes. Although his outlook has always been a piece of cake for me to trample, there are times that I still feel pretty helpless with it. I could always use more relief against Jon. But Bob, back to our own ABC's and whether or not you have caught on to the way I look at the concept of Mad Men, your personal Man Man and tyranny, you're still not worthy of being trusted with me. I don't want to be curious about what company you would dare provide this time. It is your structure and system, along with the given enemy you are to me where you're just not trustworthy. You're at least not as terrible as Jon about it, but you're just not a trusted man Bob.

Burning to Make You Go Away

I'm pretty serious about mocking your attempts to make me jealous and making you understand how much of a sore loser you are. You really should have given up on wanting me to befriend or be a lesbian for Erin, Stacy, or Bree Ann a long time ago. You are so violently low along with them I have no fear of making you all know I will live for the day they get raped and forced to suck it and choke hard to my face. I hate how violently in denial you are. You guys are the most emotionally retarded arrogant people I have ever come across. Fuck any and every nerve you have left in you. How could you not realize the way you have lived to harass torment and stalk me? How on earth could you ever feel you are anywhere near being envy worthy with the violent rapists you have been. Just personally with you Jon, you know I never realized how lied to, deceived, and tricked I was until I did. I have never felt so lied to, betrayed, and wrongfully controlled and beat by totalitarianism in all my life. How could you not see just how guilty of a person you are? You have already felt worthy of your murderous rape to my face in the worst way. HOW DARE YOU EXPECT ANYTHING OF ME. You are the most violently emotional fucktard of a manpig I have ever known. I can't get over your nerve and thinking that I would ever side with you and your fellow rapist women. HOW COULD YOU EVER EXPECT ME TO GET OVER THE SERIOUS RAPE, SEXUAL ABUSE AND HARASSMENT, STALKING, AND FURTHER EXPRESSED DOMINANCE OVER MY LIFE AND THINKING THAT THEY HAVE EVER HAD ME OWNED. THEY ARE MY ENEMIES FOR LIFE. THEY ARE THE RAPIST SCUM WHO WILL ALWAYS BE MY INFERIOR NO MATTER HOW MUCH RAPE AND DOMINANCE THEY GET AWAY WITH FOR LIFE. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU OVER ALL OF THE LIES AND GOSSIP AND FURTHER NERVE TO QUESTION, TEST, OR SUBJECT ME TO THEIR OR YOUR OTHER RING DOGS DOMINANCE. HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE YOURSELF FOR THE TYRANT RAPIST CALVIN NIGGER? HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT IN YOURSELF? IF I HAVE TO KEEP RUBBING IN YOUR AND THEIR RAPE DAY AFTER DAY AND KEEP SWEARING AT YOU FOR THE INFERIOR I NEVER WAS OR WILL BE, I WILL. JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE BIGGER BOOBS AND ARE BISEXUAL. YOU ARE ONE OF THE SICKEST PREJUDICED PIGS I HAVE EVER HAD TO PUT UP WITH IN MY LIFE. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU OF YOUR PREJUDICE, ABUSE, AND SIDING WITH THEIR ARROGANCE AND SUBJECTIFICATION. I WANT YOU ALL RAPED IN THE WORST WAY TO MY FACE. YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME ALONE A LONG TIME AGO. YOUR UNFORGIVEABLE ARROGANT WILL TO WANT ME TO CHANGE, BE ON YOUR AND THEIR SIDE, AND KEEP ME HARASSED, STALKED, RAPED, AND ABUSED WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR PROBLEM AND YOUR ACTIONS. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PROVE YOUR SICK SENSE OF SUPREMACY. YOUR SORE LOSER WILL ALWAYS STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE MOST HEARTLESS, MANIACAL, PIG OF A MAN. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR HAVING NO CLUE OR UNDERSTANDING JUST HOW VIOLENTLY LOW YOU ARE.

Too Much Stress

While I am glad to have relieved myself from some stress this past year; I still have too much to stress over. I wish I had more time for my own stress relief therapy, but then that becomes another reason of stress for the time I could have spent in getting done other things that need to be done. .... Black Friday. I think I'm going to pass on that. I have had it in my mind to go shopping and shop like I shop any regular day I shop. However, it is the fact that I feel I have to delay my shopping or persuade myself into the Black Friday makes it more stressful. I had planned to go shopping this weekend, but my shopping was delayed again because I got sick and hit a few bumps in the road. Ugh and phew. I think I'm going to try to keep my mind set on shopping Tuesday and save the rest of the shopping online if I do shop it this weekend. Shoes. At times I feel I have enough, I realize I really don't have enough of something. I need more casual shoes and dress shoes. My black pumps are already worn out and besides wanting some regular dress casual pumps, I have also been looking at some adorable stripper pumps. I had my mind set on one pair of pumps, but then after taking another second look, they looked too punkish and hardcore gothic. It was complicating to look at, because they were laced with a bow, but the way they were designed and looked to fit just looked too punkish. There was another sating pair that I noticed where not only was it difficult to decide with the colors, but there was no link there when I clicked. Hopefully they will still be for sale through the 800 number. Then casual shoes... I need another regular pair of Mary Janes, some kind of winter shoe that isn't a boot, and a pair of casual sneakers that aren't really too tennis shoe looking and more casual looking............. So much other stress on my mind. So much to think about over the holidays. I haven't figured out anything definite yet, but may probably end up tagging along with my parents unless I find another restaurant for just Mitzi and I. I'm thinking about taking Mitzi to a cabin in Deep Creek to celebrate for Christmas but that is up in the air too. I don't even know which toys to get her yet. ........... As the Sarah Turns. I don't have much to say for now until I feel the need to. I am noticing some things and staying quiet for now. ...... Crafting stress. Although I never planned on doing anymore, I am going to make myself do one more show. I don't think I will have enough of an inventory, but I know I still have 2 tables and a rack of items to sell. Maybe some people won't notice how much I've sold or see it as picked over items. I still have plenty of cowells to sell that have yet to sell. There is so much to keep making that I don't know where to begin. I was thinking of trying my bags out again during spring and summer at festivals I havn't tried yet and getting fully stocked on those, but its another risk investment. I could spend more time making winter things. I just don't completely know what to do yet, but know I have plenty of things to do to keep busy as a crafter...... After the holidays will be where I will start thinking more of where to go from here. I have so much to think about to plan for and how I will work myself out over the next year and more. If I move, where will I move, and how will I make my game plan? Thoughts to postpone for now.

Justin

.....Just finished watching "Forever." I thought it was supposed to be only 2 episodes. Apparently not. ... I have been taking notes of other things I see. My overall stance is that I am waiting to see if you are going to come around and how you are going to come around. I know I still want you although you have lost some major points with me. I don't think you understand how much of an offense Stacy is to me. You think a simple and shallow comment of "aren't we both pretty and attractive," would be able to kill it. Not at all. I hate that bitch for life for her arrogance, lies, rape, and ever thinking she had me owned. I could beat her rapist pig to a pulp and to her death. I think she and others really should have put the victim competition to rest a long time ago. I'm not taking back the comment she deserves to be raped and murdered along with Jon more than I ever will. WHO THE FUCK WERE THEY EVER? ........ I know you have let me down too. I already see the choice you are making according to the show. But how much have I ever trusted what the media tells me? To a certain extent I can be convinced of something. You have given me a lot of mixed signals and this is why I am in a stand still. I know I have told you off before for what my anger has been. You really are playing with fire and danger right now because of the association you have. I don't know if you are expecting me to change as if the serious offenses I have suffered should be treated as normal everyday life, or whether or not you take any offenses against me back that you have made. ......... I know you are testing me and this is my thoughts in my stand still. You seemed as if you might have had something new to say, and I really am surprised of your attraction. It is kind of new to find out about your attraction to me. I never thought you cared or would come after me. You know you still haven't approached me in person. It was just more aggressive where I take you more seriously and I guess I don't know what has gotten into you. I really think it is more than "good cop or bad cop." Even if it were, I'm not afraid to say what I've already said against Jon and Stacy and I'm not taking back what I said against the morbid rapist pig sex offenders they are. I have nothing to hide in the worst way against Jon and Stacy. I know Ann Hathaway is guilty of lies and morbid sex offenses too. I really don't have much of a comment with Amelia. She seems to have some problem with me, but whatever trash talk she has against me I ignore. She doesn't appear to act as if she has me owned. But, if she does dog me, she can just keep talking. .......................... Justin, I have a feeling you could be watching me more than I know. I think you've probably seen some of my online rants before. I'm wondering what your intentions are if I haven't chased you off before and if I'm not chasing you off now. You really are in my head sometimes and I really liked the "sudden" way I was hit with you, I just don't know where the sudden came from? You seem to think I'm too impatient? I really don't want to be kept waiting anymore, but I'll be quiet and wait some more. until then, I'll be around our town. lol.

Locked and Loaded

While I may not completely understand the architect's mind and the arbitrage the architect creates, I have always understood my right to bear arms. I have always hated the violent pigs like you who do not want to take responsibility for their rapist and violating actions they have taken and would rather keep their corruption covered with their arbitrage bullshit story. I do not know who continues having the nerve to mediate, control emotions, or create more of a commune or unity. I am proudly not of your, Erin's, or Bree Ann's kind. I hate the way you, or some other fucktard won't take no for an answer in the "normalization" process. I know I have made so many more actions of being the higher standard, and I hate your guts for thinking there isn't much of a comparison. While it may have been about your shallowness, the way a person looks has never been relevant in domination games. I will never feel wrong or of regret for screaming at you and them with death threats back or on my own. I have the right to bear arms. I know I have the smarter, more just, more deserving will to kill than your tyrant rapist pig ever will. I just don't get why you won't respect my separationism amongst all of you. Why don't you go on your merry way with any and all of the women you had the sick rapist nerve to subject me to? I'm staying anorexic to "Emma," whether or not you are intentionally trying to mark me in any which way. Fuck you if you're going another route of being Javier Bardem again. I hate your guts for not giving up on wanting me to change for your pig guts. I am still waiting for justice.

Ironic: Like more indecent proposals on your stripper day

ahahahaha. I really don't know what is going on with some random dudes, but I don't travel all the way to receive an indecent proposal or for someone to want to be in a serious relationship. Time of all times: I just don't know what is up with these guys or where this wind is coming from. Ha. Well, there is some heart of it, because maybe there was a different type of interruption that tried to say: "It isn't that we hate you that much or don't think you're marriage material." STRIPPER WRECKERS those assholes. ....... It isn't that I'm too opposed to marriage and serious relationships, but has time and place ever come to mind? Has: "I can see straight through your mean manipulative mind that wants me to be poor," been recognized? Probably not, because I had to think of why that wind came to just now say it, and didn't realize why I didn't even recognize myself until I did. I have heard that some nights are hit and miss time and time again, so I am hoping that tonight will definitely be a much better hit than last night. ..... In other thoughts, I'm not understanding whatever some of their tech language or jargon could be. I see random things, but if someone seriously were wanting me to read or say something, there is just no translation. I'm there to meet strangers any way. What one's value of relevance may ever be to my value of relevance. caput. maybe I may find some valued relevance on occasion but some info isn't something I've always wanted to be social about or tested with. Freedom of speech or no speaking. God bless Liberty. .....

Diary of a Stripper part 3

Presently, it is still up in the air as to whether or not I want to make a regular job out of being a stripper. I definitely put myself on the schedule for 2 more days this week. After that, I still haven't decided what I'm going to do......... So far, the few days I have stripped have, in literal business terms, been uneventful. The other upcoming day I will be working on is Friday where one of the more famous strippers are coming in. This will be another new interesting thing to find out about. I have been working on my skills a little more. I can do a few more things on the pole, but still have yet to muscle up and perfect the art of it a little more. .......... I could talk a little more, but for now, I feel there really is nothing to bring up. I still have the Depeche Mode song on my mind that I will eventually dance to. (There are 2, but there is one I have been wanting to do more). I was going to save it for a bigger crowd (and still can, but it won't be the official first time to dance) but because I kind of had to wait, I'm just going to get it out of my system anyway. Forget the DJ, forget the crowd, I'm just going to do it soon, and I know I'll be dancing to it again anyway. ............... I am taking note of several different men and some of them being gropers or potential gropers. (can't get close enough ) Well, at least it is men this time and ones that I have to admit are attractive. Although I'm being somewhat responsive, that is the only real response I am giving. I'm not saying a word about the way I'm being groped by a few. ....... Word on other men? Because I can be seen as more whorish and "bottomed out," there is more ease in talking about several different men at once. And, I'm not going to be talking about each and every.... Rob Thomas is making me a little angry with games of confusion. He could be 3 different people I could be talking to and they are all not the same. Most of his senators do hide a lot of information and I would especially be upset if he was the farmer man who would be immaturely persistent with his original nigger argument from the start. It isn't just about questioning (vehemently angry that it wasn't even a question) it was that he was wanting to make me the butt end or put the other first. Although I have some personal emotions that I keep to myself and other feelings for the farmer man, he still hasn't won overall. Is he seriously going Kurt Cobain on me, or is being an ass and harasser his mission in life? Yes, you do make me question you more Farmer man, whether you're more than just an ass or harasser. Yes, you do make me question your intents farmer man. (In looking after my own reputation, I don't believe farmer man could be responsible for what someone is saying his "Affluenza" is responsible for. I believe it should probably be decoded differently. He wants to put a man in his trap with me as bait because maybe he caught someone cheating through me. If it is supposed to be on me, he is purposefully making me question and second guess him more. What does farmer man expect when he wants to keep me guessing too much? Farmer, do you just want me to be your clichéd victim in accords with your affluenza with: "Farmer man, if you had all of that money and you loved me, than you would just be pouring $100 bills on the stage and stuffing my panties and bra with them before and after the dress. Don't you love me farmer man? What can I do to get you to love me or make you love me more farmer man? What can I do to make you love me more?" wink wink ;0) Other men,...... I think some are being a little too assumptive. I can't deny my lust or emotions, but am still staying cancer preventive. I know, I know, what an even more vulnerable piece of meat that I am. It is because of them all, that it doesn't matter where I go or what I do... I just know I'm not necessarily....just not necessarily......JUST NOT NECESSARILY... I know what I'm trying to say but my mind is drawing a blank with how I want to say it. AND DON'T ANY OF YOU DARE THINK ABOUT TESTING ME WITH DRUGS. YES, I WOULD RATHER BE A STRIPPER THAN BE ON ANY DRUGS. AND DON'T YOU DARE THINK THAT "THE MORE I 'PICK MY POISON' THE FARTHER I'D GO WITH ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING." I know, I know, what a more vulnerable piece of meat I am. Just don't assume too much.

Rahm

Hmmm....... I hope you are still some kind of help or someone I could talk to. I really am getting upset at some other signs I am seeing. No matter what the U.S. has to say, I know I am not the corrupt, I know the bigger wronged victim that I have been. It really upsets me how much of my truth gets denied. It upsets me with the way people constantly want to keep putting things on me and me be the reason of any blame. I hate pigs Rahm. I hate corruption. I hate corrupt pigs who have no end. "Nigella Lawson." I am not going to even read about it. In my eyes, it is another cheap karma game where I know I am being overlooked and falling through the same cracks more. I will never take back the name I gave Jon Stewart: Tyrant Rapist Lying Nigger. (at this point, I couldn't second guess at him being a molester. I have never understood why he has been so psychotically and sickly evil after all of these years. I have never understood his hateful corruption or his lies. It was never my fault he abused me and expected me to be loyal to him. I was never responsible for any of his abuse and it is like he was always going to blame me for his hate or his abuse. Jon has always been the reason I can't get anywhere. I know he is being a tyrant. And I know he has been a tyrant with the locals to keep me gang raped and damned. I know I have terribly and wrongfully been reduced to nothing year after year, and what it more sicker than anything is when they come from a platform of being an encourager or life coach "when I do something good." I hate their guts so much for the way they will always see themselves as my superior. They are nothing but sick rapist fuck bags. Tyrant nigger rapists who will never know what it really means to win in life and I will always be expected to be inferior to their tyrant nigger rape. Something will always be on me, and they won't miss a spot in the most desperate way....... I still don't know why I haven't got the help or the rescue that I want. I don't know what people are trying to say anymore or whatever the fuck it is that they are waiting on. I don't know if you saw the way Jon was being sick with a group of people yesterday and was terrorizing me, but my life is still being threatened in more ways than one. I want to tell you more, but if you are not going to act like you care about me being rescued, I am not going to waste any more of my time with you. I'm not understanding why some people would keep watching and just deny there is a problem. I'm not understanding whatever the crux of the murder is and whatever the hell it is some people are waiting on.

Rahm

Well Rahm, I lost my job today. I pretty much feel like the same damned woman I've always been. I'm still ready for anything. And in one sense, I know you know what you and I mean about anything. Still an unopposable time if you seriously wanted to go for it. I have nothing more to say about the job situation than I have had at other times. Yes, I still believe tyranny is the truth. If someone was waiting on something, I still don't know what it is that they are waiting for...... Back to my ho hum life and not wanting to guess at how long I will be kept waiting for whatever next thing comes around. (I know that is another torment tactic too. Probably more jealousy over who is starving who.) Although this a terribly normal thing to keep happening to me, I don't feel like going on a wild goose chase with you today Rahm, if you had one out there. I wouldn't mind watching you rocking my cradle more, but I want to let myself feel and be listless for the rest of the day.......

Today's thoughts

Good things and bad things.......... How frustrating these past couple of days have been..... My only and really bad trip dilemma right now is trying to find a ride to and from the airport and dodging the big expenses of it. There are two options I have right now that are too expensive. Now is a time I could wish I had a friend or two. I'll probably try to call around maybe a few family members or something, but not sure if I will have much luck at it..... Right now, I can't not say something about my personal Ukraine crisis. The good news I have today is that I have got myself a job. While I do want and plan to stay professional about it, I am not meaning to put any pressure on the job that I have found. I do fear a terrible quick fix that is not a fix at all. I am just going to simply say that I know my history for what it has been. (Repressively) My Ukrainian mission is very serious. I am not a joke and have never taken the past several terrorizing years lightly. I know it really looks like I do sometimes. I can see how some people could be confused with my survivalist will to live. However, facts are facts. Seriously from my end, how dare the enemy's truth be denied and me be expected to inferiorly explain my survivalist will to live. I just wouldn't care the day that happened. I know how people like to frame things and/ or give themselves the credit when credit was never due. I could go on more about what my personal Ukrainian thoughts are, but I am going to repress what more I have to say for now.........Still looking forward to my trip to Canada. Just so anxious about the airport situation..... Other frustrations.... Mitzi is being such a destructive little brat right now. She ripped off keys to my computer again and this time, I have to ask for professional help because she really ripped a few keys off... My new ipod that I have been waiting awhile to get, is no longer working, but I am going through an exchange right now, where I might have to pay full price in order to keep the new working one when it gets here. I'm pretty sure I didn't buy insurance or a warranty. Luckily, I did get the cheapest one, but there is still double the price possibility that I am not going to be liking at all. Hopefully the exchange will be just that.....

Dear Dr. MH

..........hmmmm....signs signs signs. Right now, I can only see the ones online. Good and bad. Dr., I'm sure you know about some of my nerve endings. I am very serious that when you go there with my finances, it really is a dangerous nerve ending to go for. You may as well ask a holocaust survivor, "why didn't you have any money?" It is one of the most dense questions you could ask me. I will never be at fault for employment history. I will never be at fault for lack of unemployment. I know some people will always be desperate to put things on me, and you abandoning my truth on this issue and writing me off to either say I am at fault, or am nuts in the head IS NOT WINNING. If you have motives to rape me over this, you will not win. Which leads me to your next testing question: Yes, I am attracted to the fact that you most likely have a lot of money. I'm not sure if you are really are retiring or not. I really could go on and on with rage of my victimized life being judged against. Because I've already talked about it to a paragraph's extent, this really is making me very angry. I have not and will not be conquested by anybody over this issue. I give myself a lot of credit for living and dying alone with myself through several years. I am proud of myself; don't second guess it. I will not back down. People act as if I would give up on myself. The more I'm left to be damned, the worse it gets and the angrier I become. Violence begets violence....... In other signs, you seem a little lighter. You want me to buy more booze so I will be easier to seduce? You do seem to continue to be seductive. If you keep trying to go for the financial thing; trying to hook up on me while I'm drunk and invested in booze will probably be the only luck you already give yourself. I guess it would also depend on your approach and how you act as well. I may be easier, but I'm not always willing even when I'm drunk. I do question you in other ways. You could be seeing me as Erin's Ron Burgundy. I hate your chauvinistic judgment of me being the chauvinistic one. This isn't the only time I've said it: I would rather you just admit you don't want me enough or like someone else more, than for you to ruin me with more lies and terrible judgment. I know my history. It would be very terrible if you were to keep giving Erin the upper hand. Not sure what you think of Bree Ann. But if you are trying to gang rape me for either of their sake; I think very low of you. This goes beyond female chauvinism. I will N-E-V-E-R see myself as their inferior in any way, shape, or form. I don't want to be battered anymore over Jon's arbitrage or your possible sexual pig violence that will never admit the gang rapist womanizer you are. I really could be wrong. Maybe you are not a pig like that and are more of a man. Some signs are making me second guess you. I'd rather you not waste any more of my time at all if you are setting out to be a gang rapist against me. If you really get to talk with the president too, tell him I give a terse "hello."

Short and Sweet to Edward

Edward, it was nice of you to relieve me of some of my anxiety by hearing from you. It was and wasn't good. Yes, it matters what you think of me. I do appreciate you for making the effort to fight for me. I know it was coming from a Tim. I also saw some other people in the background. Sometimes, the communication format isn't fair enough. While you did say the right thing, the subjectiveness still lingered. I guess there are times when I'm harder on Superman expectations than others. It was Katy Perry I spotted who wants to keep expressing dominance like she has me owned and wants to grope me into her agenda. I have already made my thoughts clear to both her and Tom. Katie has remained a persistent rapist and believes it is ok to subject me to herself. She has never given up in provoking me as her slave. I do ignore her most of the time. I still expect Katie/Katy to grow up and give up on her rapist will to live. She has no point. Her and Madonna's gang rape has no point. I don't understand the media's or whoever's will to keep provoking and threatening me with her rape or expressed dominance. I do not know why I should be expected to live in fear for the sake of Katyie Perry. It was nice to hear from you Edward. I still don't know all of the facts and info, but you are taking action to side with me.