gripped

You are an impossible cougar that I don't completely understand. I really don't have much to say now. I feel mostly listless and like I want to be quietly alone. I can tell you are still leading me on and leading another on, or keeping on leading several women on at once. You definitely seem like a swinger/ confusing Berlusconi guy. You seem like you could have no jealousy at all, and maybe do believe in orgies or swinging. I'm really not comfortable with it at all. Maybe you really are questioning me.... Am I guilty of being a mistress of Chris, the leading man of Coldplay? Maybe I'm off on the blond woman and it isn't Gwyneth (don't know how to spell) Paltrow. I really do hate the judgement or accusation of being seen as some sort of dominate homewrecker or mistress with several men.... I don't see myself that way at all. Maybe some guys do have crushes on me sometimes, but I've never seen myself as going all the way or making it happen. I think he did say something terrible to me at his concert, but it was one of those hits that I can't remember what was even said. He did seem to come on to me a little with Sarah Palin, but the terrible thing was said after he talked about Sarah. Of course I would have a little bit of a crush on Chris too, but the idea of some kind of relationship wasn't something I would dream possible to carry through...... While you keep playing the game and have me gripped, it seems you are putting the whole subjective thing aside to say: "well look at the obvious gesture and choice I have now." Maybe it is that way; or you are either deceptive or avoidant. I just don't have much to say right now... quiet and listless.

Love laughs and oh no no no

Tom, I'm not sure if the American Idol is on your agenda. Of course I trust my own judgement and it matters to me that people recognize that I know I have my own views and confidence in my judgement. Even if I qualify to being a good, sound judge of character in your eyes, American Idol wasn't necessary what I was going for. Don't make me cry if this is your manipulation and I'm still stuck in the same rut of getting nowhere. I have demands and needs that have to be met. If it is you who is intimidating me with your wealth, it is working for the most part, but please don't forget me and what my real circumstances are right now. Please don't forget me. Please don't manipulate me like that while keeping my reality the same. I feel like you're already breaking my heart. If I am completely defenseless to this manipulation, you are breaking my heart. I would feel very taken advantage of and like you are with the rest of people who have no clue with what humanity is. How could you lead me on like that and just forget that even I won't deny my neediness. Please don't say you're heartless like that.