I could just cry

So my most recent imaginary lover is my number 1 right now. It's not that I would exploit him. I just want to tell Mr. Garden about him like the man doll is the only other man in the room. His perfection has you beat Mr. Garden. But the thing that makes you perfect right now Mr. Garden is your availablitity and that I have someone to talk to. I don't want to ruin anything with my new lover but I can't stand the isolation. I can't stand being left alone without talking to him and being able to express myself or say what I want to say. It's like I've never had an emotionally intelligent man like him my whole life. He's so good and perfect that I could just cry. I want him so much and I'm so tormented. He makes me feel like I have him and it's one of the best feelings to feel with him. It's this crazy sudden love and I can't live without him. Yet he leaves me in isolation like I can only wait for him. I said what I just said because I want him to know he knows how bad I want him. As much as I don't like games and being tricked is as much as I want him to feel what he wants to convince me to feel. If it's all a lie, what a tormenting lie it is to know what it means to be so good and perfect. My imaginary lover has me and he has me in a burning torment.