Such a nice stockholm

Last night, your Stockholm was so nice Sidney. It was so nice and comforting in a lot of ways. Despite a lot of your terror and a terror I am yet to know that I know with you being more straight or gay, don't hate me for my pur. It's like you have mixed emotions that I pur, but I am from Venus and I prefer to make love and not war and while you were the lovemaker, it's like you're more frustrated that I just didn't want to keep competing or challenging you and cozied up to your comfort. I still think your Bollywood is asking too much and unfair and "you know, you know, you are still being a Bollywood," but you nudge and somewhat demand me into being more serious with you and here is where it gets more freaky: I have to have another pretend relationship with someone who still isn't there..... I'm not entirely closed-minded. We could both be in some kind of witness protection program where our own agents would be looking at us in the worst way and label us both as still being out of our minds and too psychotic to be together in any which way. Other people in the know too. It just isn't right for us not to be each other's bollywoods but it was never right Sidney. Last night was so nice Sidney and in any other instance you show some kind of kindness or lead me on, I just look at you and think: I know he is going to give me such a serious reason to be upset and dump him all over again one or two days from now. I don't feel too much of a gay hate with you wishing I was a man, but another vibe I feel is where you confuse yourself with love and lust. Admit it Sidney, you have already messed with my emotions in some way and seriously had some emotions with me last night too. Yet, you whisper and grab me and call me "sex object." Don't get me wrong Sidney, I know I can be a ho, but I think you hate the responsibility of making your mind up most of all. It wasn't that you or anyone else had to have their mind instantly made up, but you look like you have your own mixed emotions with me with love and lust and you would use it as your loophole as a cheap excuse where you miss the mark with me. Sidney, I know I know about some things, but other times I feel like you have so many knives in my back or are intentionally trying to communicate with me where it is not a strong enough network and I don't get the codes or am even awake. I am quite the sleeper to some socialism anymore when I have my other every day focuses but sometimes there just doesn't feel like there is a strong enough message and people have their own dumb stalking obsessions and just bullshit. ….. A part of me rests on you, while the other part isn't sold. I can only play a pretend relationship for so long until I just can't wait anymore. One of the things that comforted me the most last night was when you had the view point "All women are control freaks in some way or another; I just wasn't the control freak you wanted me to be." I felt more loved than rejected because it is like you are giving up on some of your forcefulness in me wanting to be a certain way or play a fascist game. I just never hear the end of other men's forcefulness, control, judgement, and me being forced to do things their way or in a certain way. I just never hear the end of it. It was such a serious relief and it was so nice of you to look past it.... I don't always remember the half of everything in my slumber, but last night was something to me. You led me on a lot last night Sidney, but I'm still very skeptical of you. It's like you have a sincere possessiveness and understand that I've been out of a relationship so long, I'm just not looking faithful enough. You keep leading me on and pulling me in and I don't know if you will admit it or recognize it in yourself. You were a terrible Travolta Greacer from the start and you have already taken a scream from me that can't be surprised at the time you cheat, keep me denied, or have too much of an ego to admit the way you act. I just quietly walk way from you when I feel like I am most likely being cheated on or let down. You stay here, say you can't leave me alone, and look confused with your love and lust after you've already messed with my emotions. I've already ran out of my impatience and feel I can only have a most passive approach with you.... I'm not entirely won and don't know what to believe about you in a lot of ways. I was going to stay mostly quiet, but I thought I would tell you that I really am "wowed and wooed" by you for once and I hope you make your mind up soon.